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Spotlight

5/5/2025

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Hello, Sis.

For All That It's Worth,
To Live In The Spotlight...

What If Life Was Simple, And We Hugged?
What If You Were Always Sober,
Never Got Crippled By That Bug?

What If Growing Up We Actually Had Good Luck?
What If Instead Of The Word "F*ck," Your Favorite Was "Love?"

Another Mindf*ck, Another Mindrot,
I Bet Happy Is Tired Of Another Troubleshoot,
Z Could Use A Break From Keeping You From Self-Harm,
Are You Still Crying Because You're Forced To Live On?
What If I Told You Despite It All You're Still Fundamental?
Don't Paint Me As The Bad Guy, That's Mental.

Are You Telling Me We Are Still Hitting A Wall?
Our Life Still Carrying That Pain With No Resolve?
And What If I Stayed Locked Up In Denver, Would You Even Have Had A Beginning?
Is It Too Late To Start Over, Trade Pain And Stop Burning Bridges?
You Telling Me You Don't See Ourselves In Happy Living?


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And J,
You Want J Stuck Inside Again--A Prisoner?
You Say, "F*ck it, this is life."
Deal With It, Or Let It Deal You,
Guess I'll Go Back To My Room For A Smoke, You're Still Selfish
Remember Most Days The Host Will Ask For Face,
Stealing Time, Let's You Wear His Face,
Wish You Didn't Forget, You Got The Soul Of A Fighter,
Words And Thoughts Couldn't Damage Your Bones Harder Than Iron,
All That 120 Pounds Of Goth With The Walk Of A Badass,
Always Defiant, So Turn Up The Volume


For all that it's worth
To live in the spotlight
All of my demons come to life
And all that it was
And all that it could be
Is lost in the darkness of the night


Why should I die?
(to live in the spotlight)
Why should I kill myself for you?
You'd let me die?
(to live in the spotlight)
You'd let me die inside for you


Look.
What If You Could Be Happy, If You Felt That Success?
Do You Think Those People Who Are Now Memories Would Have Still Left?
What If You Could Be You, Would There Be No Regrets?
I Believe Assimilation Was A Pre-Cursor To Your Death.
Death Of That Name,
Death Of The Genre,
Death Of That Woman,
Those Who Misunderstood You Are Already Dead,
They Could Never Understand.

Stuck Behind A Screen, Staring At Your Fans,
Cutting Up More Pills Into Milligrams,
Time To Cut Your Skin Into Another Pentagram.

Lucifer First The Angel, Then The Devil, (Ah Ha)
Threw Away The Liquor Traded It For Monster,
Traded Spotlight For Darkness, That's It.

No Longer The Knife On The Nightstand,
Traded It For Dolls Who Look At You, They Might Understand.
So Are You Ready To Cave?
Visit Me In The Cage?

Do You Want To Be The Hero,
Because I'm Not The One Needing Saving,
I Waited Days While You Were In The Fast Lane Living,
Alone No Entourage, Body Twitching, Listen--
X Always Said, "It's better to burn out than fade away," Just Like Cobain Prayed.
You Took That Literally, Left Me Wondering If We'd See Another Tomorrow,
Spoiler Alert: You Were Slowly Dying.
Never Stopped Crying, Again, Turn Up That Volume.
Turn Up Your Volume.

Picture

​For all that it's worth
To live in the spotlight
All of my demons come to life
And all that it was
And all that it could be
Is lost in the darkness of the night


Why should I die?
(to live in the spotlight)
Why should I kill myself for you?
You'd let me die?
(to live in the spotlight)
You'd let me die inside for you

So You Got Sick Of Those Cop Lights,
Nurses And Doctors Shining That Spotlight,
You Feel Their Grinning Smiles On You, Because You're Still Alive,
Do You Feel Entitled Like I'm Supposed To Give Up On You, Right?
Well, This Story Ain't Got Two Parts,
This Ain't A Comedy Show,
We're Not Playing, We're Not Your Fans,
We're Not Used Toys To Throw,
This Is The Collective,
Let Me Get You To Speed, So,
Welcome Back To Life, Sis,
Here's A Ticket To The Next Show.
Spotlight.
Welcome Back To Life, Sis,
Here's Your Ticket To The Next Show.
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What I Do Best

5/3/2025

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Burning Pain Inside This Chest,
Will It Be Another Close Call,
Or A Final Cardiac Arrest?

Blast This Stress!

What's Left?
Who Do You Need To Impress?


No More Pieces To Pick Up From This Floor,
Nothing Brings Me Joy Anymore.
So What Is Missing,
Or When Did It Become Too Much?

Are You Listening To Yourself?
So Out Of Touch.


No More Heartbreak Left,
No More Feelings Here,
No--Just Staying Suppressed.

Mind Ripped Open Like A Book,

Yet The Chapters On This Page Self-Addressed.

Always Obsessed.

Here's The New Ones--
Open Wide And Ingest,
Let Them Cover Me Whole,
Like Daggers Trying To Pierce Through My Life Vest.

Time For A New Cigarette,
Feel That Pump In Your Chest?


Can't Stop Now,
Heart Still Beating, Don't Need No Rest.

Perhaps It's My Biggest Flaw,
Addicted For More,
But What's Got To Be More Than This?
When This Is Nothing But A Void--

Careful, Bury The Rest,
Have You Forgotten Already?


Being Alone Is What I/You Do Best.

"Burning Angel of Devastation" by https://www.deviantart.com/vexplex
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Poor Boy

5/2/2025

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-- He was a poor boy,
she said, "see you later, boy!" --


Did not need much growing up,
never asked for more than I could have,
so what happens when you get more than you bargained for?
Leaves you stranded and feeling sore?

Life's cold and hard like a steel rod,
stabbing you when you least expect it,
need I say more?

Transformed yourself into a fraud,
it was a matter of time--
before She came and called out Her God.

Thunder stormed and lightning struck,
poor boy left stranded, didn't that suck?

Stranded out at sea, you see,
how would the poor boy get himself free?

No longer a fisher of men,
no longer the angriest bull in the bullpen,
but even so, every now and then--
She would come to his rescue again.

-- She was a poor girl,
He said, "thank you, again, girl." --


Picture
Art:
"Pochita and Denji" found from @CHAINSAWMAN_PR from twitter.

"Power" by Seiko121 on reddit.


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Dream (her)

4/20/2025

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Heave ho,
heave ho,
lay down your flag and go--

Heaven is but a dream on earth,
no place in reality,
so dream on, dream on.​

Dreamer, some say,
dream...her... you may?

Or let go and pray,
for she is not your dream,
and your dream is not her.

Yet you keep searching and yearning,
or is that a lie, too?
A lie you tell yourself, your kin--
why you avoid the daylight, too?

Or is that dark patch you keep scratching over your soul healed now?
Will you stop picking at it then, soon?

Heave ho,
heave ho,
lay down your flag and go--

Hell is the nightmare in your brain,
stuck in that reality,
so wake up, wake up.

Dream her, yay or nay?
Dreamer, are you, do you still pray?

Does it follow you like you followed her, too?
Is that why you feel stuck,
does it suck?

Your dream is not her,
and she is not your dream,
so pray and let go.

Do you love it,
yet you hate it at the same time?

Photograph taken in frame,
shot to shit,
melted corners--
poison tastes just the same.

Heave ho,
heave ho,
hang the new flag...
​...and go.


Picture
art: 
"A Promise" - https://www.deviantart.com/vamkiretrannel
"Cyberpunk Edgerunners" - https://www.deviantart.com/afurerucolors
0 Comments

Omnipotent God

4/6/2025

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Crumble To Dust,
I Will Be Here Long Before Your Ashes,
Are Long Gone To Rust,
There's A Reason I Remain,
And You Do Not,
Do Not Forget--

I Always Rot The Rot.

Always A God,
A King,
The One.

You Are But A Memory Now,
Forever Gone.

So Do Not Dare Keep Trying.

I Will Survive,
And You Will Always Keep Dying.

Picture
art by https://terryvanatta.com/projects/mD2W0E
and ​https://www.artstation.com/artwork/9mAB9R

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The Joke [R] In Me

3/22/2025

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"Adore me, baby"

Shameless smile, desire comes to light,
simmering fire, romance is the consequence,
you look my way, and I lose my--

"Hey, you wanna rule the world?"

Outlaw love, make you lose control.
Hey, hey...that smile got me like--

Burning hot, shivering, darling,
feel you in my skin-- start praying.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

 Those mysterious eyes teasing,
"take me"
do you need me in your bloodstream?

"hold me"
"break me"

This heart is for holding, come on dose me--

Will I need you in my bloodstream?

"kiss me"
"caress me"

Generous temperance, softly tracing your sacred skin,
fuel that fire, dance with sin,
quiet violence, sends chills dripping like acid rain,
keep coming back 'cause it's you I crave.

"Hey, let's rule the world."

"Come on, let's take control."

Har, har, you got me now--

Whoa,
burning hot, shivering, darling,
feel you in my skin--start praying.

Those mysterious eyes teasing,
"take me"
do you need me in your bloodstream?

"hold me"
"break me"

This heart is for holding, come on dose me--

Will I need you in my bloodstream?

"kiss me"
"caress me"

​
Picture
0 Comments

Ambulance

3/10/2025

0 Comments

 
Picture
Role call, you're up, Romy,
here's your black coffee.


Yes, Cassie, want a trophy?

Got some powerups inside my backpack.

Are you going to share, or do I need to hijack?

Nah, it's Tuesday night, let's go celebrate.

Got some snow coming later, will you wear a coat?

As long as you talk to Medusa, she's got news.

Pshtt, Cassie, old memories lost, that ain't my safe place.

Then step on the gas, this body ain't a new one,
a sore back, all those years goin' hard.


Aren't you slick, where's your baseball bat?
Should I just do what I want?

You know We're crazy--but AMAZING.

So again, will nothing phase T?

When we're together: Rotten Phenomenon.

Okay, let's hang--just don't get gone.



​So call Us crazy,
We feel amazing,
T muggin' in the corner, "Nothing Will Phase Me."
Happy lights flashing, so we dance,
No more nights ending in an ambulance.


Move, Cockroach, You're Crowding The Headspace,
Humans, They Bore Me, No More Brain Aches!


Only good vibes, T, good vibes all day,
and if you don't wanna join Us then you can go away!


Cassie, happy as the night goes--

Romy, loving getting low!

You Know You Cannot Do That All Day?

If you don't like it, T, then go away!

Driving in the backseat, this ain't a brand new car!

Lay your seat back, cuz we about to go hard!
We lookin' real slick, here hold my chainsaw--

Cassie, still don't give a f***, she does what she wants.
Picture
​So call Us crazy,
We feel amazing,

T muggin' in the corner, "Nothing Will Phase Me."
Happy lights flashing, so we dance,

No more nights ending in an ambulance.


We're feeling fine!

We're feeling good!
​
So call Us crazy,
We feel amazing,

T muggin' in the corner, "Nothing Will Phase Me."
Happy lights flashing, so we dance,


No more nights ending in an ambulance.


We're feeling fine!

We're feeling good!

No More Nights Ending In An Ambulance.​

Picture
Art and artists credit:
"MS ART: She" - 
https://www.deviantart.com/pixel-3j
"The Old Colosseum" - https://www.deviantart.com/flaviobolla
"Medusa" - https://www.deviantart.com/alicechan

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Isn't It Lovely?

3/9/2025

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Thought You Were Done Being Led Astray,
Thought You Found A Way Out (Drowned)
So Do I Need To Stay Now?
Or--Will You Someday Make It Out Of Here?
Will It Take You All Night? Many More Years?
Do You Need A Place To Hide--No, Didn't You Hear?

Trying To Feel Alive, Inside Is Where I Find Your Fear.

Isn't It Lovely? You're All Alone.

Heart Frozen Black, Mind Turned To Stone,
No Longer In Pieces, No Skins And Bone.

Hello, My Dear.
I'm Home.


I've Walked Out From Time,
Forgot My Better Place (Forgot My Only Place)
So Tell Me, What's On Your Mind? (Unwind)
Always Stuck In Your Head Space.

Oh, I Know Someday You'll Make It Out There,
I'll Wait All Night--Or A Million Years.
No Need To Hide, Hold My Hand, Dear.
Let's Feel Alive, Outside, We Can See Crystal Clear.
Isn't It Lovely? No More Alone.
Heart Filled With Rage, Mind Of Thorns.
Let's Put Together Pieces, Rebuild Our Throne.

Hello, Truth...

...welcome home.


Picture
Art By: ​
"Dexter Morgan" - 
https://www.deviantart.com/plaiemobile

"Rusted Inferno" - https://www.deviantart.com/ptxeno
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The State of My Head

2/24/2025

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Inside The Aether, Some Time Ago

Observation: White darkness.

Deduction: The Quiet-- it has come back--and it surrounds this place.

Sound: Distant whispers tear through my tomb.

Sight: Light! No--lightning?

Smell: Burnt skin-- like charred ash engulfing the air-- suffocating it.

Voice: "It Was The Price Paid, Sister."

Deduction: War, once more--or never ending? 

Picture
Inside The Aether, Some Time Passed

Observation: Constant thunderous lightning for what seems years after...

Realization: But I can not ever intervene. Leave and let live. He or she who dies shall die, he or she who lives shall live on.

Sound: Weeklong screams no more.

Sight: Roots have surrounded my tomb. Rotten roots overtaking...

Smell: Musty, grassy notes... stronger by each passing day.

Voice: "The Others deserved a break from this-- it is what is fair, T."

Deduction: I will never know unless I leave my tomb--visit Them.

Optional alternatives: 1) send Messenger, 2) start the Journey accompanied.

Decision: Conjure the Order. Visit Ra. Find Osiris. Seek Asylum with Anubis if needed. Do. Not. Die.

​                          ************************************************************ 

Picture
Art:
"Seker" from Dawn of Gods Wiki
"American Gods" paperback cover by Robert McGinnis, 2016
"Black Phoenix" art by Julie Dillon

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10 Feet Down

1/29/2025

0 Comments

 
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Yeah I know the Person in the mirror ain't a perfect one,
I look at Them and They stare me back,
always screaming, yelling, "Happy, you ain't the one!"
This fiction that became our life, nah, it ain't right,
I'm still young, still feel livin' life stuck in Chapter One,
the Others skim through, page by page, I can still hear Them mocking me,
but I don't find it funny, so laugh it up!

I always felt like They never listened to me, that's all I know,
The Library is where I reigned as God, but it's also where I stayed alone.
Yeah, I was forced to stay inside wondering,
is it what I deserve or what I am destined for?
My motivation slowly a fire being extinguished, people always yelling
"Happy no! Happy stay!"
The Others forget all that goes on inside The Library files always remember,
I was taught to be terrified by Memories, so don't need no lecturin',

Let me be, let me see, let me breathe, how will I be remembered?

Struggle and pain don't Alter who I am as a person, so go ahead take my energy!

Hard Chapters, even colder Episodes,
the Past an echo bringing up thoughts like,
Imma break again, Imma break will you break too?
Days turn to Nights,
Inside is like falling Ten Feet Down in slow-mo,
soon I'll be rising, rising up


Yeah, these Books are what made me,
even tho some also deceived me,
I felt forced to live life like I was always stricken,
I still sit at this Library desk, with plenty pages unfiled-- someone unseal me!
Wear a mask so The Others can't see me,
I feel the walls shake, 'bout to collapse again?
I look out the Library's windows, but no one comes to visit me,
I sit and wonder where The Others are, wonder when Tea Time arrives,
then the lights shut down, Library's closed, back to the empty Throne again, ahhh!

Yeah, seems like We're all back at Ladder One,
it's crazy what They would do to climb it faster,
back when climbing actually mattered,
They would all run to the top, not caring who fell or was tripped on,
but I know that feeling all too well, dealing with nothing new here,
That's a day in the life of being Happy, ain't it?

Life's life, be it what may, come or go, take it or leave it,
it ain't about gods or monsters, it's what dragged you outta that fire, ahhh!
Hard Chapters, even colder Episodes,
the Past an echo bringing up thoughts like,
Imma break again, Imma break will you break too?
Days turn to Nights,
Inside is like falling Ten Feet Down in slow-mo,
soon I'll be rising, rising up

I used to want what I never had,
This old life Inside doesn't seem so bad,
The old Library Inside doesn't seem so sad,
I no longer want what I never had.
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    "The Collective©" -
    A Vessel of Opportunity, circa 2011-Present and ongoing.

    Welcome dear reader to my own Pandora's Box-- inside and outside The Aether. This is where fiction and reality clash as gods and monsters dance engulfed in long standing battles for power, control, and ultimately, peace amongst one another.

    "Endings are hard, but in reality, nothing ever ends, does it?"


    Check out my Deviantart website for my art at: http://p1ls3n3r.deviantart.com/

    Unless otherwise indicated, all the names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents on this site are either the product of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

    Bookmark this page and leave feedback/comments if you'd like!

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