Forgive, not Forget
“The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.”
Have you ever had a grudge against someone? The type of grudge where you hold onto anger towards a person who has done you wrong and as you hold onto that anger, it never seems to go away? When this happens, you start to realize you can't stand the sight of said person, or even to the point just any memory or even a mention of their name can set you on fire. This is sickening. You are sick--but in order to get rid of this sickness, to clean your mind and body of said anger and resentment, you must first take a step back, look at the situation that caused this grudge to grow, and then ask yourself: "What can I do to get over this? What are my options here? What can I do?" The answer is simple: you must forgive. And bear in mind here I am not talking about petty arguments like the ones in high school where you stayed mad at the other person and chose to ignore him or her. No, no. I'm talking about serious situations like being stabbed in the back, losing important trust in somebody because they betrayed your friendship or abused it.
In order to be able to move on with your life, first there must come forgiveness. Forgiveness of both the other individual and of yourself. You have to be able to look at the situation, see where the situation went wrong, and admit that it is over. There is no resolve, that the only available path is forward. If you focus too much on the why's and wherefores you will start to dwell on the past and the what-if's that are no longer realistic because, once again, the situation is over. Sure, it's easier said than done. You can't just expect yourself to walk to the other person and say, Sorry. Or say, I forgive you.
Denial is a big problem here. You can be stuck in a state where you keep telling yourself that it's not over, that you can mend things, or that the other person can mend things. Trust me when I say this, if the situation ended, there's a good reason why it did. And nothing can be healthier for both parties than to move on.
So take a look at yourself. At the other person. At the situation. However, you want to make sure you don't make the mistake of assuming things, either. You cannot start assuming things for the other person just as you cannot start hoping that they'll assume something about you. Here lies communication. Never forget that. If the situation has ended, accept that it has and then talk it over with the other person. Realize that maybe the other person does not realize that it is over, or perhaps they, too, are in denial. The important thing here is that you are your own person, remember that you cannot force the other person to think the same way you do, or accept things the same way you do. If they choose to remain in denial about the situation, it's not your job to change that.
So start to forgive. Forgive the other person who has wronged you, accept the reality in which by forgiving, you are the honorable person here. Accept the reality that by forgiving, you can show the other person that quality and perhaps they, too, will forgive and accept it.
One person can't live their life angry forever. It will slowly deteriorate them. After you forgive the other person--bearing in mind that if they show no remorse or caring for the fact that you are forgiving them, that's their own cross to bear--you need to start to forgive yourself.
This second step is very important because if you don't forgive yourself, you will slowly start to hate yourself for it. You will begin to think that you are at fault, that the situation occurred because you made a mistake--granted, sometimes situations can have both parties at fault, but it is necessary to acknowledge this as you are preparing yourself to forgive the other person. Once you can accept this, you can forgive yourself. You can look back at the situation and say, "I did the best I could."
Once you are at peace with yourself, now you can accept that the situation has been resolved. You have reached acceptance and you can move on. It is unhealthy to hold onto a grudge for too long. You'll only feed that blind hate and begin to lose trust in people.
Until you will undoubtedly lose all trust.
So learn to accept it, learn to forgive them, then forgive yourself, and in the end you'll realize that moving on has never felt so relieving.
In order to be able to move on with your life, first there must come forgiveness. Forgiveness of both the other individual and of yourself. You have to be able to look at the situation, see where the situation went wrong, and admit that it is over. There is no resolve, that the only available path is forward. If you focus too much on the why's and wherefores you will start to dwell on the past and the what-if's that are no longer realistic because, once again, the situation is over. Sure, it's easier said than done. You can't just expect yourself to walk to the other person and say, Sorry. Or say, I forgive you.
Denial is a big problem here. You can be stuck in a state where you keep telling yourself that it's not over, that you can mend things, or that the other person can mend things. Trust me when I say this, if the situation ended, there's a good reason why it did. And nothing can be healthier for both parties than to move on.
So take a look at yourself. At the other person. At the situation. However, you want to make sure you don't make the mistake of assuming things, either. You cannot start assuming things for the other person just as you cannot start hoping that they'll assume something about you. Here lies communication. Never forget that. If the situation has ended, accept that it has and then talk it over with the other person. Realize that maybe the other person does not realize that it is over, or perhaps they, too, are in denial. The important thing here is that you are your own person, remember that you cannot force the other person to think the same way you do, or accept things the same way you do. If they choose to remain in denial about the situation, it's not your job to change that.
So start to forgive. Forgive the other person who has wronged you, accept the reality in which by forgiving, you are the honorable person here. Accept the reality that by forgiving, you can show the other person that quality and perhaps they, too, will forgive and accept it.
One person can't live their life angry forever. It will slowly deteriorate them. After you forgive the other person--bearing in mind that if they show no remorse or caring for the fact that you are forgiving them, that's their own cross to bear--you need to start to forgive yourself.
This second step is very important because if you don't forgive yourself, you will slowly start to hate yourself for it. You will begin to think that you are at fault, that the situation occurred because you made a mistake--granted, sometimes situations can have both parties at fault, but it is necessary to acknowledge this as you are preparing yourself to forgive the other person. Once you can accept this, you can forgive yourself. You can look back at the situation and say, "I did the best I could."
Once you are at peace with yourself, now you can accept that the situation has been resolved. You have reached acceptance and you can move on. It is unhealthy to hold onto a grudge for too long. You'll only feed that blind hate and begin to lose trust in people.
Until you will undoubtedly lose all trust.
So learn to accept it, learn to forgive them, then forgive yourself, and in the end you'll realize that moving on has never felt so relieving.
