You Show No Emotion
Someone told me that once.
In fact, it was pretty recent. I had come off as confusing to someone by how my actions differed from what my words were speaking. This confusion was apparent to this individual but to me, it was non-existent. I was sure I was expressing myself the same way vocally that I was by body language. However, I was wrong. If you ask anybody at work to describe me, they probably would find room in their statement to include, "he always looks angry." It's not something I plan or do on purpose. I have a stern face. I don't express much because most of the time my mind is elsewhere, day dreaming about something other than what's happening in front of me. I'm a dreamer, and like most dreamers, I am constantly lost in thought. I don't try to come off as angry, I really don't. I've always been a very serious person, and I can be funny at times, when I really want to be.
I can make you smile, believe me.
I went for a long time caring only about myself. It was this new re-discovery of myself that I intended to fulfill without any outside interruptions. I isolated myself, pushed friends away, and decided to be selfish. I learned a lot about myself through that. What I wanted and what I needed became apparent to me and not necessarily equal. I learned that there were things about myself I needed to change.
I never expected to lose sight of what feelings were like.
But I did.
Someone told me I show no emotion.
And today I learned they were right.
I put on a facade thinking that no one would notice, but someone clearly did.
I tried helping someone out, I did, I tried reaching out, and got shut out almost immediately, so I thought to myself, what went wrong? Was my approach too harsh? I couldn't tell, but that wasn't the problem. The problem was that I didn't care. I simply walked away and thought, "I'm not reaching out again."
The problem with caring so much for too long is that once I stop caring, I simply stop caring at all.
I've never been able to find a medium for things. Especially when it comes to feelings.
So I simply chose not to care anymore. No point in reaching out.
If someone does not want my help, then it's over.
Someone told me I show no emotion.
Whoever coined the phrase "the truth hurts" definitely knew what they were talking about.
Because I look at myself right now and I realize...
I don't.
I really don't feel anything anymore.
If anything, it's just pretend.
Everything else is just background noise.
In fact, it was pretty recent. I had come off as confusing to someone by how my actions differed from what my words were speaking. This confusion was apparent to this individual but to me, it was non-existent. I was sure I was expressing myself the same way vocally that I was by body language. However, I was wrong. If you ask anybody at work to describe me, they probably would find room in their statement to include, "he always looks angry." It's not something I plan or do on purpose. I have a stern face. I don't express much because most of the time my mind is elsewhere, day dreaming about something other than what's happening in front of me. I'm a dreamer, and like most dreamers, I am constantly lost in thought. I don't try to come off as angry, I really don't. I've always been a very serious person, and I can be funny at times, when I really want to be.
I can make you smile, believe me.
I went for a long time caring only about myself. It was this new re-discovery of myself that I intended to fulfill without any outside interruptions. I isolated myself, pushed friends away, and decided to be selfish. I learned a lot about myself through that. What I wanted and what I needed became apparent to me and not necessarily equal. I learned that there were things about myself I needed to change.
I never expected to lose sight of what feelings were like.
But I did.
Someone told me I show no emotion.
And today I learned they were right.
I put on a facade thinking that no one would notice, but someone clearly did.
I tried helping someone out, I did, I tried reaching out, and got shut out almost immediately, so I thought to myself, what went wrong? Was my approach too harsh? I couldn't tell, but that wasn't the problem. The problem was that I didn't care. I simply walked away and thought, "I'm not reaching out again."
The problem with caring so much for too long is that once I stop caring, I simply stop caring at all.
I've never been able to find a medium for things. Especially when it comes to feelings.
So I simply chose not to care anymore. No point in reaching out.
If someone does not want my help, then it's over.
Someone told me I show no emotion.
Whoever coined the phrase "the truth hurts" definitely knew what they were talking about.
Because I look at myself right now and I realize...
I don't.
I really don't feel anything anymore.
If anything, it's just pretend.
Everything else is just background noise.
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