Blog Posts - Random Thoughts

God's Weapon

8/30/2025

Ce monstre sera avec toi jusqu'à ta mort. N'aie pas peur de lui, avec le temps tu comprendras comment l'utiliser, le contrôler, le dompter… Libère-le.

What you got ain't nothing new, this life is hard on people. To live is to suffer, to survive is to find meaning in the suffering. Even when you can't stop what's coming.

We cling to pain because we want to understand it. We don't need to understand it. We just need to let it go.

“We had two bags of grass, seventy-five pellets of mescaline, five sheets of high powered blotter acid, a salt shaker half full of cocaine, and a whole galaxy of multi-colored uppers, downers, screamers, laughers... and also a quart of tequila, a quart of rum, a case of Budweiser, a pint of raw ether and two dozen amyls.
Not that we needed all that for the trip, but once you get locked into a serious drug collection, the tendency is to push it as far as you can.” ― Hunter S. Thompson, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas: A Savage Journey to the Heart of the American Dream

The Bad Spot

6/30/2025

It's Coming, Z.
Nor You Or I Can Stop It.

What's that, T?

The Bad Spot.

Does "it" have a name?

Let Me Out Of This Prison,
And I May...Just May...

Tell.

You're never getting out of here, T.

The Bad Spot Will Take Over, Like Black Mold--
--It Will Cover It All.

Until There Is Nothing Left...

But Her.

Dealer's Choice

6/24/2025

Rent was due,
I could not afford it,
maybe it was my luck,
but then they chose to sue,
I had to evacuate,
but had no other place,
those four walls are no longer,
there is no such thing as home,
so once again I'm stuck,
I'm supposed to stay strong,
but every day is difficult,
like this is my last song.

Time keeps running,
and my pocket is getting empty,
I want to find a place,
but it is not safe.

I'm hiding in those shadows,
the shadows of my mistakes,
I wish I could erase them,
but I cannot fake--

--but the hope never dies,
and neither do I.
Home is not a place,
home is the people that make it.

I find this beacon of hope,
a small yet bright light,
the safe place I was seeking,
home is awaiting,
to make me alive.

Death of--

5/17/2025

Letting go will teach you
the art

of being soft and humble,
yet powerful and free.

Spotlight

5/5/2025

Hello, Sis.

For All That It's Worth,
To Live In The Spotlight...

What If Life Was Simple, And We Hugged?
What If You Were Always Sober,
Never Got Crippled By That Bug?

What If Growing Up We Actually Had Good Luck?
What If Instead Of The Word "F*ck," Your Favorite Was "Love?"

Another Mindf*ck, Another Mindrot,
I Bet Happy Is Tired Of Another Troubleshoot,
Z Could Use A Break From Keeping You From Self-Harm,
Are You Still Crying Because You're Forced To Live On?
What If I Told You Despite It All You're Still Fundamental?
Don't Paint Me As The Bad Guy, That's Mental.

Are You Telling Me We Are Still Hitting A Wall?
Our Life Still Carrying That Pain With No Resolve?
And What If I Stayed Locked Up In Denver, Would You Even Have Had A Beginning?
Is It Too Late To Start Over, Trade Pain And Stop Burning Bridges?
You Telling Me You Don't See Ourselves In Happy Living?

And J,
You Want J Stuck Inside Again--A Prisoner?
You Say, "F*ck it, this is life."
Deal With It, Or Let It Deal You,
Guess I'll Go Back To My Room For A Smoke, You're Still Selfish
Remember Most Days The Host Will Ask For Face,
Stealing Time, Let's You Wear His Face,
Wish You Didn't Forget, You Got The Soul Of A Fighter,
Words And Thoughts Couldn't Damage Your Bones Harder Than Iron,
All That 120 Pounds Of Goth With The Walk Of A Badass,
Always Defiant, So Turn Up The Volume

For all that it's worth
To live in the spotlight
All of my demons come to life
And all that it was
And all that it could be
Is lost in the darkness of the night

Why should I die?
(to live in the spotlight)
Why should I kill myself for you?
You'd let me die?
(to live in the spotlight)
You'd let me die inside for you

Look.
What If You Could Be Happy, If You Felt That Success?
Do You Think Those People Who Are Now Memories Would Have Still Left?
What If You Could Be You, Would There Be No Regrets?
I Believe Assimilation Was A Pre-Cursor To Your Death.
Death Of That Name,
Death Of The Genre,
Death Of That Woman,
Those Who Misunderstood You Are Already Dead,
They Could Never Understand.

Stuck Behind A Screen, Staring At Your Fans,
Cutting Up More Pills Into Milligrams,
Time To Cut Your Skin Into Another Pentagram.

Lucifer First The Angel, Then The Devil, (Ah Ha)
Threw Away The Liquor Traded It For Monster,
Traded Spotlight For Darkness, That's It.

No Longer The Knife On The Nightstand,
Traded It For Dolls Who Look At You, They Might Understand.
So Are You Ready To Cave?
Visit Me In The Cage?

Do You Want To Be The Hero,
Because I'm Not The One Needing Saving,
I Waited Days While You Were In The Fast Lane Living,
Alone No Entourage, Body Twitching, Listen--
X Always Said, "It's better to burn out than fade away," Just Like Cobain Prayed.
You Took That Literally, Left Me Wondering If We'd See Another Tomorrow,
Spoiler Alert: You Were Slowly Dying.
Never Stopped Crying, Again, Turn Up That Volume.
Turn Up Your Volume.

For all that it's worth
To live in the spotlight
All of my demons come to life
And all that it was
And all that it could be
Is lost in the darkness of the night

Why should I die?
(to live in the spotlight)
Why should I kill myself for you?
You'd let me die?
(to live in the spotlight)
You'd let me die inside for you

So You Got Sick Of Those Cop Lights,
Nurses And Doctors Shining That Spotlight,
You Feel Their Grinning Smiles On You, Because You're Still Alive,
Do You Feel Entitled Like I'm Supposed To Give Up On You, Right?
Well, This Story Ain't Got Two Parts,
This Ain't A Comedy Show,
We're Not Playing, We're Not Your Fans,
We're Not Used Toys To Throw,
This Is The Collective,
Let Me Get You To Speed, So,
Welcome Back To Life, Sis,
Here's A Ticket To The Next Show.
Spotlight.
Welcome Back To Life, Sis,
Here's Your Ticket To The Next Show.

What I Do Best

5/3/2025

Burning Pain Inside This Chest,
Will It Be Another Close Call,
Or A Final Cardiac Arrest?

Blast This Stress!

What's Left?
Who Do You Need To Impress?

No More Pieces To Pick Up From This Floor,
Nothing Brings Me Joy Anymore.
So What Is Missing,
Or When Did It Become Too Much?

Are You Listening To Yourself?
So Out Of Touch.

No More Heartbreak Left,
No More Feelings Here,
No--Just Staying Suppressed.

Mind Ripped Open Like A Book,
Yet The Chapters On This Page Self-Addressed.

Always Obsessed.

Here's The New Ones--
Open Wide And Ingest,
Let Them Cover Me Whole,
Like Daggers Trying To Pierce Through My Life Vest.

Time For A New Cigarette,
Feel That Pump In Your Chest?

Can't Stop Now,
Heart Still Beating, Don't Need No Rest.

Perhaps It's My Biggest Flaw,
Addicted For More,
But What's Got To Be More Than This?
When This Is Nothing But A Void--

Careful, Bury The Rest,
Have You Forgotten Already?

Being Alone Is What I/You Do Best.

"Burning Angel of Devastation" by https://www.deviantart.com/vexplex

Poor Boy

5/2/2025

-- He was a poor boy,
she said, "see you later, boy!" --

Did not need much growing up,
never asked for more than I could have,
so what happens when you get more than you bargained for?
Leaves you stranded and feeling sore?

Life's cold and hard like a steel rod,
stabbing you when you least expect it,
need I say more?

Transformed yourself into a fraud,
it was a matter of time--
before She came and called out Her God.

Thunder stormed and lightning struck,
poor boy left stranded, didn't that suck?

Stranded out at sea, you see,
how would the poor boy get himself free?

No longer a fisher of men,
no longer the angriest bull in the bullpen,
but even so, every now and then--
She would come to his rescue again.

-- She was a poor girl,
He said, "thank you, again, girl." --

Art:
"Pochita and Denji" found from @CHAINSAWMAN_PR from twitter.
"Power" by Seiko121 on reddit.

Dream (her)

4/20/2025

Heave ho,
heave ho,
lay down your flag and go--

Heaven is but a dream on earth,
no place in reality,
so dream on, dream on.

Dreamer, some say,
dream...her... you may?

Or let go and pray,
for she is not your dream,
and your dream is not her.

Yet you keep searching and yearning,
or is that a lie, too?
A lie you tell yourself, your kin--
why you avoid the daylight, too?

Or is that dark patch you keep scratching over your soul healed now?
Will you stop picking at it then, soon?

Heave ho,
heave ho,
lay down your flag and go--

Hell is the nightmare in your brain,
stuck in that reality,
so wake up, wake up.

Dream her, yay or nay?
Dreamer, are you, do you still pray?

Does it follow you like you followed her, too?
Is that why you feel stuck,
does it suck?

Your dream is not her,
and she is not your dream,
so pray and let go.

Do you love it,
yet you hate it at the same time?

Photograph taken in frame,
shot to shit,
melted corners--
poison tastes just the same.

Heave ho,
heave ho,
hang the new flag...
...and go.

art:
"A Promise" - https://www.deviantart.com/vamkiretrannel
"Cyberpunk Edgerunners" - https://www.deviantart.com/afurerucolors

Omnipotent God

4/6/2025

Crumble To Dust,
I Will Be Here Long Before Your Ashes,
Are Long Gone To Rust,
There's A Reason I Remain,
And You Do Not,
Do Not Forget--

I Always Rot The Rot.

Always A God,
A King,
The One.

You Are But A Memory Now,
Forever Gone.

So Do Not Dare Keep Trying.

I Will Survive,
And You Will Always Keep Dying.

art by https://terryvanatta.com/projects/mD2W0E
and https://www.artstation.com/artwork/9mAB9R

The Joke [R] In Me

3/22/2025

"Adore me, baby"

Shameless smile, desire comes to light,
simmering fire, romance is the consequence,
you look my way, and I lose my--

"Hey, you wanna rule the world?"

Outlaw love, make you lose control.
Hey, hey...that smile got me like--

Burning hot, shivering, darling,
feel you in my skin-- start praying.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Those mysterious eyes teasing,
"take me"
do you need me in your bloodstream?

"hold me"
"break me"

This heart is for holding, come on dose me--

Will I need you in my bloodstream?

"kiss me"
"caress me"

Generous temperance, softly tracing your sacred skin,
fuel that fire, dance with sin,
quiet violence, sends chills dripping like acid rain,
keep coming back 'cause it's you I crave.

"Hey, let's rule the world."

"Come on, let's take control."

Har, har, you got me now--

Whoa,
burning hot, shivering, darling,
feel you in my skin--start praying.

Those mysterious eyes teasing,
"take me"
do you need me in your bloodstream?

"hold me"
"break me"

This heart is for holding, come on dose me--

Will I need you in my bloodstream?

"kiss me"
"caress me"

"The Collective©" -
A Vessel of Opportunity, circa 2011-Present and ongoing.

Welcome dear reader to my own Pandora's Box-- inside and outside The Aether. This is where fiction and reality clash as gods and monsters dance engulfed in long standing battles for power, control, and ultimately, peace amongst one another.

"Endings are hard, but in reality, nothing ever ends, does it?"

Check out my Deviantart website for my art at: http://p1ls3n3r.deviantart.com/

Unless otherwise indicated, all the names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents on this site are either the product of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

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