There comes a time in your life when you get to make an incredibly hard choice of whether or not you can walk away from a situation that presents itself in front of you. This situation pins you against a wall, making you look deep inside you, and when you do, you imagine the consequences.
If you have a really vivid imagination like I do, then the consequences alone can take you on a road that can either be painful to watch, or confusing to see.
My back was against the wall the other day, I felt...helpless. I felt like it had been a while since I had felt this way, and not only was the feeling welcoming, but it was also a bit...strange. Like I needed to feel this way but it wasn't necessarily bad. Why wasn't helplessness a bad feeling? It should be, but it didn't feel like it.
I guess I had gotten used to my life changing around and finally getting on track, that all of sudden, when I was presented with the situation, I didn't know what to do, and that was okay.
My choices presented themselves; I could either choose to destroy a relationship, or choose to walk away from it. If I had chosen to stay, and decided to break that relationship, get in the middle of it, that would've meant the consequences of those actions would cause a ripple effect to that person I was about to get involved with. I had detached myself from other people for so long that I thought that this choice was the right one. Only because I would've gained something from it. But this choice wasn't the right one. This choice involved selfishness. If I followed this path, it would've meant that I was only thinking of myself, and not the other person. That alone would've made me what I've feared of becoming for so long: a real nasty piece of work. Someone who only cares about himself, someone who will do anything to gain what he wants with no remorse, no recognition of the consequences this path lays before him and unto others.
So I chose the second path. My second choice was to walk away. Years ago I made a similar mistake, but it wasn't because I was so detached from people, or because I was selfish, back then I did it because I didn't care and I didn't know better. I was young and stupid, but now, now I can see so much more. Now I knew exactly when and how to walk away from the situation. I imagined the consequences, I saw what path this choice would create for the other person as well as for me. I couldn't bear that image in my head, it was poison, it felt wrong, and I understood what I needed to do.
So I walked away. I realized that whatever hurt, whatever pain I could cause would not even begin to materialize into that person's life the very moment that I walked away. Pain is unavoidable, but suffering, suffering is optional.
So as I detached myself from this individual, and whatever feelings were about to be discovered, I realized that I wasn't completely broken. I wasn't completely detached from others, from people. I realized that a small percentage of who I used to be was coming back. Those feelings I've hid for so long where still there, they just needed to be revisited, and re-discovered in a much different way.
Some say that you learn from your mistakes, but what most don't realize, is that you repeat your mistakes, over and over again, but only because each time you revisit an old mistake in a similar fashion, you are learning more about how to avoid it, or prevent it.
I ruined a marriage once upon a time, by getting involved, instead of walking away.
The other day, I could have relived that mistake--except I didn't. I know better. I chose to walk away.
Learn to walk away.
Know when to walk away.
And I promise you, you won't regret it, and you'll look in the mirror and be glad that you didn't turn into a real nasty piece of work.
Because once you cross that line, there will be no one else that hates you more than yourself.
And crawling out of that hole can be extremely hard. And painful.