Random Thoughts - The Women In My Life

Chapter Eighty-Three: Momma #3

8/3/2023

*Years Ago*

You welcomed Us to the "Family,"
weren't We just "Lucky?"
Part of another "team,"
was it like that,
or was it more than it seemed?

Days turned to months and months into years,
what was happening near?
Were we missing something?

Fast forward to last month--
that's what it seemed.

*Months Ago*

I panicked and I was hurting,
needed to vent,
no outlet lurking,
just your office filled with quiet,
except for your usual YouTube politics--

Steady noise,
need I bother you?
Just for kicks?
Damn the Boys,
it was me who was sick.

Crying in front of you,
how pathetic,
was supposed to be the strong one,
somehow you were my anesthetic.

I told you my secrets,
shared a lot--
I say too much when I'm drunk,
guess that's something you and I had in common,
my heart sunk.

Damn the Phenomenon.

*Fast Forward To Our Last Talk*

Why did you call?
Why did you reach out?
My brain was sober,
but my heart covered in clout.

Once I heard your voice,
there was no doubt,
I've seen this story play out,
many a times before.

Was it easy for me to want to be honest?
Yet be hurtful?
Was it your constant truth bombs that sealed a promise?

I hated how easy it felt to fall for your trap,
to trust your story and words.

It felt surreal when I hung up,
no amount of booze would ever erase
that which felt made-up.

Why wait until now to destroy me?
Did it feel good to open up to see?
Well don't forget--
being an asshole comes in threes.

One felt something,
one saw more,
eventually every rose,
shows its Thorre.

Chapter Eighty-Two: Momma #2

8/2/2023

A poem,
from Cass to Momma:

*Years Ago*

Change in leadership happened quick,
unexpected and slick,
kicked one out and brought another in,
what was happening in between?

T is the one that met you first,
but it was my outfit that became your test.

You noticed We weren't wearing a suit, vest and tie,
my 90's goth punk attitude was alive.

You kept to yourself for a while,
didn't ask questions much,
We questioned if you were good or vile.

*Fast Forward Months*

T always protecting the System from newbies,
but clearly you meant business,
and no bullshit.

Would have never guessed what would build up after a few days,
as they turned into nights of closing together, I started noticing--
girl, you slay!

Maybe we became friends too quick,
quick enough that the big boss became bothered,
there were too many rumors cooking in that store,
but I could care less,
was easier to drown the noise when working by your side,
somehow you got me,
and I got you.

Little talks here and there,
you always noticed when I didn't share.
I blame your "mom instinct,"
that shit is real,
it's why you always knew when I didn't talk or "feel."

Eventually you showed how you got my back,
too bad I took you for granted--
let's face it... I was always whack.

Then We opened up more to you to see if you could understand,
isn't that the kicker?
You always did, Momma,
even when I drunk-called you at odd hours of the night,
crying and pleading for reasons not to end my life.

That's what scared you, and who can blame you?
I'll never forgive myself for that-- I assure you.

It's been months since you said goodbye,
and I to you.

I had to face the music,
to pay my dues,
and someone was chosen there to "let me go,"
but I'm glad in the end...
it was YOU.

Then today I ran into what seemed a shadow of the past,
but it was true.

Took me a minute then I realized,
and even though I wanted to stop and say so much,
I couldn't muster it-- I was stuck.

You said you "missed me,"
and my instincts kicked in,
I responded "I did too,"
did I mean it?
Then why did it hurt so much?
Why did I immediately feel so Blue?

I drove away angry,
wishing I hadn't seen you.
My last words to you echoing inside this empty brain,
the Quiet is what now keeps me sane.

You were always like a second mother to me,
that was always true.
So I write this poem to you tonight,
and maybe one day--
Maybe one day,
I'll get what's due.

Chapter Eighty-One: Mother

10/13/2022

*Eons Ago*

Rule #1 of the Book of Happy:
"Never Tell Mom."

Red: "The Rules Laid Before You Are Not To Be Broken, Especially This First One."
Blue: "Rules, huh? Who died and put you in charge?"
Yellow: "Come on, Mister, it's an easy one to follow!"
Purple: "What happens if you break it?"
Black: "I don't think I want to find out, Sister..."

*2022, September*

Cass: "My name is Cass. And I am part of The System-- I am part of your Son."
Mom: "I'm just trying to understand."

*2003, Ecuador*

"The choice is yours, you can stay with your Father, here, or you can come to Wyoming with Me."

*2007, Denver*

"I'm going to administer some medication to make the Voices go away."
Zisco: "They're not just voices!"
Truth: "Keep Quiet And Do As You're Told."

*2005, Wyoming*

Amanda: "I just thought maybe you were...you know...gay?"
Z: "No, of course not!"

*2003, Ecuador*

Mateo: "I just wanted to apologize for bullying you all those years, you know it was just fun and games, right? I hope you can forgive me?"

*2013, Fort Collins*

T: "I Just Want To Talk, Robin, Let Me In!"
Z: "Truth, we need to leave..."

*2022, September*

Mom: "Do you think that maybe if you hadn't picked up that comic, you wouldn't exist?"

*Eons Ago*

Rule #5 of the Book of Happy:
"Never Tell Juan."

Red: "The Rules Laid Before You Are Not To Be Broken, You Are To Follow Them To The Letter."
Blue: "Jeezus, why are we still listening to you?"
Yellow: "Come on, Mister, just listen..."
Purple: "Basically We can't tell anyone anything?"
Black: "I think He means well, Sister..."

*2021, Fort Collins*

Roman: "I just want to tell you--I've been gone for a long time, and I am stuck here, inside this body."
Juan: "I'm listening, trying to understand."

*Eons Ago*

Blue: "You don't belong here, you're an abomination."
Purple: "How can you be so cruel?"

*2022, Present*

Cass: "He cut my f*cking hair! It's so short!"
Jay: "I know, baby..."

*2022, October*

Therapist: "Can you tell me one reason why you want to live?"
Z: "Mother."
Therapist: "What's another one?"
Z: "My girlfriend."
Therapist: "Keep going..."

*2004, Ecuador*

Grandpa: "Everything happens for a reason, you have to be strong no matter what."

**************************************************

Wonder Woman art piece done by Alex Ross

Mother with Son and Daughter original piece by Vickie Wade: https://www.etsy.com/listing/589597974/mother-son-and-daughter-art-printgirl?epik=dj0yJnU9ZjF3eHpZQWhYMmJsUER2T1JMcE1NUjVPdGhzemFSWlgmcD0wJm49TUhLLUtLakRrdFVYakdiQUs5OVg0USZ0PUFBQUFBR05lWUc4

Last two comic panels taken from Hack/Slash: Issue #17, "Cassie And Vlad Meet The Reanimator, Part 3, of 3."
Script – Tim Seeley
Story – Tim Seekey and Barry Keating
Art – Emily Stone
Colors – Mark Englert
Letterer – Crank!
Design – Sean K. Dove
Editor – Mike O’Sullivan
October 2008

Chapter Eighty: My Pink Crown

8/13/2022

The Shield Maiden,
She Makes The System Feel Safe And Sound.

Her Baberina,
Protector And Fashionista.

Roman's Druidess,
Always Self-Less.

X's Island,
True And True,
Like The Sandman's Pouch,
Sure.

Until The End,
You're Our Tulip,
A Warrior Too.

Crazy As Jane,
Perfect Puzzle Piece,
Damaged Lovely Masterpiece.

Maeve's Double Gin And Tonic,
When She Walks Into Any Room--
Always Iconic.

I Am A Devil Of My Word,
I Told You I'd Rewrite Your Song.

You Fit Every Corner,
Every Scar,
So Even If I Am "Gone" Momentarily,
I'll Always Follow My North Star,
My Pink Crown,
My Shield Maiden.

Until Next Cycle,
When I Have Waken.

Chapter Seventy-Nine: Ruby Red

1/3/2022

Who Goes There?
Who Is That?
Watch it, T.
Or What?

Or what? You know I know you--you're still a Monster,
you have not changed.

Watch What Comes Out Of Your Mouth Next.

You no longer scare me, Old Timer.
I am the Designer.

You May Have Grown In Power, Sure,
But You Are Still Unsure Of It All.
Unsure And Nervous.
Meanwhile I Can Still Surface.

So--I noticed her noticing.
It ain't like the old days,
when you hid in plain sight.

Right.

Do you see her light?

I See Her Darkness.

As you always do,
you never change.

Change? No. I Evolve.

I wish you'd dissolve.

The Aether Is My Strength,
And You Are Not My Weakness.
This Will Always Be A Part Of Me--
My Family.

Strength In Numbers,
Or Did You Forget?
What Once Was A Kingdom?
Well-Set.

These Humans,
I See Their Pain For A Reason,
This Is No New Season.
You Call Me A Monster,
I Was Kept In A Cage,
But Do You Not See?
I Feed Off Rage.

You can't save everyone,
that is your problem,
you're just like Cass,
picking up strays.

The World Is Different Now,
Even Mother Can See.

I Am Free.

Or is it because I let you?
Because I enjoy to see you fall?

And Living Alone, Isolated, Is Your Way To Go?
I blame Cass for that, she should have done as I told her.
We are not good for people--
they will only get hurt.

Sure, Cassandra Opened Up The Portal,
We Are No Longer Mortal.
The World Sees Us For Who We Are.
I Do Not Need To Hide.

Yes, yes, the almighty god,
the original monster,
but you are just burnt bread in the toaster.

Careful, Mind Your Tongue, Editor,
I Am Still The Apex Predator.
The World Belongs To The Broken,
For They Are The Evolved.
In The End The Cockroaches Are Dissolved.

**********************

Ruby Red,
welcome to The Collective,
hope you don't mind the dread.
This Kingdom is built from pain,
and chaos.
But something tells me you understand what that's like.

In time you will learn more of the story,
that's true.
If you choose to stay,
that's on you.

I have yet a lot to learn, too.

And so the story goes on,
you've been here before dear reader,
the story of the Red Leader.

But this world is different than in the old days,
that's true.
This world is now at the mercy...

of Blue.

Chapter Seventy-Eight: Wild Card

1/3/2022

Who the fuck are you?
Are you a new one from T's or Blue?
Should I trust you or tell you to fuck off?
Are you a friend, an enemy, or a one-off?
Got to talk to you--something changed.

Did you see me, or were you telling me what I wanted to hear?
Like a temporary comfort of cutting my hair with shears.

And as soon as I noticed you weren't fake--
T, hold up--what's at stake?

You kept me away, let my daughter roam free.
What is it? Could she see?
Friends in comfort--haven't had that in a while,
but god-fucking-damn, look at that style!
Jealous of those clothes--ugh, T, is she good, or hostile?

Cassandra--Do You See Her Like I Do?
What about Blue?

Blue Has Nothing To Do With This-- You Know His Stance.
So should I give her a chance?
No One Could Ever Control You, This Much Is True.
Haha, ya, not even fucking Blue.

She Is Trustworthy, A Friend--
And you know that I need those--
We All Need Friends In Our End.

But this isn't my end, is it? T, would you tell me my Truth?
Anything for that pain-- anything to sooth?
Cassandra, She Sees You. For Every Inch Of Who You Are.
Are you sure... I can't be disappointed again.
She Sees Your Pain.
I just--I'm so alone.
Then Let Wild Card In--Let Her See Your Throne.

************************

Time After Time

Crazy Jane gets along with Wild Card.
I Told You, You Would Not Regret It Thus Far.
T, why do you still care for me, even after all I've done?
I Just Know, You've Got Good Intentions In Your Heart.

I would never want her to be hurt--
She Could Never Be Tore Apart.
She is my friend--
And She Will Remain.

Something about us stubborn gals--
And One Day--Best Of Pals.

T, I just want her to stay, not to fade away--
Like The Old Chapters, Those Who No Longer Stayed?
I can't feel alone again--
So Stay Strong, Cassandra, You Are A Queen-- Reign!

So time passed, and T was right,
she saw me for who I was,
alas.

In this life you have to keep your friends close--
and your enemies closer, I suppose,
but T taught me one thing in this crazy life,
no matter the strife--

"New Friends Bring Energy To Your Soul."
And one day--that will help me feel whole.

Chapter Seventy-Seven: Wayward Queen

9/8/2021

You talked Him down at his prime,
brought him back from rage and made him fine,
I remember that image, I've seen it,
then you were gone before I left,
but I wasn't scared, I knew you'd be okay,
I didn't want to forget-- I wasn't alright.

Walking below the white moonlight,
never clean, never pure inside,
I knew what it felt like to burn in Heaven,
and to drink until you forgot to feel alright,
glutton for punishment,
would you be the one to clean the blood from inside?

Do you know what it's like to burn in Heaven?

Would you kindly bleed again, if you can take it?
Let me drink your heart--
is it vacant?
Sleep while the Demon Queen watches you sleep,
drink if you feel like enjoying the weekend,

Live and keep living,
the Earth of the Collective has split,
but since Day One I've known which is your side.
I remember the image, I've seen it,
takes me back to that Garden,
our first meeting.

Then she pushes me into the corner,
"Drink!"
And I feel the bitterness--
like flames from Heaven,
and so I bleed again, but I can take it.

Will you drink with me until your heart is vacant?
Sleep alone but my demons will keep you company,
I'll be around--until the weekend.

All the damage you have done
Bleach I drink tastes better on my tongue
I tried to swallow all the damage you have done
But the bleach I drink tastes better on my tongue

While I bleed, I know you know I can take it,
And then you drink me like a drink,
your heart no longer vacant.

So we sleep together,
different corners of the bed,
but the demons are around--
we aren't vacant.

Share that Moscato,
here comes the weekend,
I will never forget you, R,
you are my--

Chapter Seventy-Six: "Tank Girl"

1/25/2021

Long ago she was there,
did you forget her?
Welcome Tank Girl,
just met her.

And we clicked,
tick tick,
like a bomber gone sick.
Maybe it was bad timing,
as always with you boys,
you were there then gone,
she knew you,
but you left me alone.

So I missed out,
but guess what,
fortune favors the bold,
that's why I'm your heart attack.

Tank Girl, meet Cassandra Hack.

Tick, tock,
she's a bomb,
not fragile like a flower,
watch out she's a dime,
hidden firepower,
badass mommy full-time.

T's got Chapters,
I got Bad Girls,
welcome to my club,
we have no masters.

Another boss ass bitch,
this is the sitch.

This is Cassandra's Wonderland,
are we just not grand?

Say hello to Tank Girl,
zero fucks,
so give my Kingdom a swirl,
see you on the other side,
this is your head bitch in charge speaking.
Redux.

Chapter Seventy-Five: "Wild Flower"

12/28/2020

Straight for the castle,
follow the river,
don't mind the shivers.

Laugh at Life's tragedies,
keeps you strong,
fuck the technicalities.

So kill them with kindness,
the world is a nasty place,
fuck that, you got enough grace.

When you fight the world,
remember you are the fire,
all that pain and heartache,
fuck that damage.

Young spirit,
strong woman,
much to learn,
dare they stop you?
They wouldn't.

A mad world we live in,
you showed me strength,
not to give in.

And then you left,
was this for you?
A test?

Why do the good ones always leave?
Or was it Truth's job to deceive?

Chapter Seventy-Four: "Caretaker"

4/9/2020

Simple "Hello,"
Care To Wager?
"Say hello back,"
A Stranger.

Constants And Variables,
What Is The Parable?

So Then You Saw The Caretaker Again,
"Is this is chance? Or is it coincidence?"
"Find The Significance?"

Friendly Voices In My Head,
"Could anyone understand us?"
"Much Confusion," Brother, It's What's Said.

So There Goes Roman,
Wrong Time,
Wrong Moment.

"Whiskey?"
"No, Vodka."
"Ah, gotcha."

*Warmth* spells a new batch,
"Shut Up, Roman, What's The Catch?"

"Let someone in,
or are you that afraid, brother?"
"Just Overly Cautious, Is That A Sin?"

The Caretaker seems honest.

*** Solace ***

Then months passed, felt like eons for the old god.

The world's pandemic still at odds.

Who writes our stories?
That Is A Mystery.
Who buries our worries?
That, Dear Brother, As They Say...

Is History.

Writer/Artist

My name is Francisco, you can call me Zisco.

Endings are hard, but in reality, nothing ever ends, does it?

I'm not perfect, I'm just a human being. I make mistakes and I try to redeem myself. Life ain't easy, but I manage. I like to help people with their problems, but when they are too much for me to handle, I much rather not. I'm a great listener, but there are things I believe are better handled on your own.

Check out my Deviantart website at: http://p1ls3n3r.deviantart.com/
And while you are at it, check out my YouTube channel: http://www.youtube.com/user/ziscokid88?feature=mhee

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