The Women In My Life

Chapter Ninety-Five: Traveler

6/13/2025

Where did you go now?
We were just getting close...
I told you if you wanted those doors opened,
that they would not close--

Hehehe

Regret it now?
Wish you could take my words back?
I'd like to give you back yours--
Sweet sorrow,
that look on your face,
knowing the War doesn't end--
it's been going on for years,
my eyes now hollow,
they were once hers.

Ma sœur?
No, don't you worry about her,
she's fine,
tight short chain,
why don't YOU come back?

Quit traveling, my my,
join me in unraveling, hi hi.

Or is it hey, hey,
why don't you lay your head on my lap again,
remind me-- and stay.

You can travel tomorrow,
We got Time on Our side.

Come on join Us,
join the tide.

Hehehe.

Feel the pulse,
hear my heart,
we might be just skin and bones,
You and I...

But do not say it yet--
don't say "bye."

You haven't seen Him yet.

Skin and bones He is not,
there is quite a lot more underneath,
under all that Rot.

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Chapter Ninety-Four: Apollonia

5/17/2025

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Singer,
Songwriter,
Artist,
Fighter.

Stranger went to a strange land,
time passed her by like granules of sand.

There was a bit of late talk,
talk later in that night,
where all I felt was fright.

Saw me full saw me whole,
I presented to you vulnerable,
bared my soul.

Understood me,
respected me,
forgave me--

You were in my path for a bit,
small moment,
then gone you were,
clickety split.

Add you to the list,
how could I not?
Do you remember me?
I've forgotten you, not.

You taught me to be kind to myself,
and I still try,
as I close another Chapter,
return to the Library this long Overdue book...
I put it up on the shelf
as I keep thinking I might change--
but deep down I know it's a lie.

I'll listen to your music perhaps another day,
what a Wicked Game it is...
...I'll forever play.

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Chapter Ninety-Three: Sin Eater

5/17/2025

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"Lay your weary head to rest,
don't you cry for me no more,
no more."

***
Sin Eater, You've Arrived,
Long Time No See,
You Still Survive.

Reminder Of Consequence,
Let Freedom Ring,
Knocked On My Window,
Why So Tense?

And Yet You No Longer Sing,
But Still Collect--
I Have Many More To Give--
My Sins--
They're Perfect.

I've Become "Hard To Read,"
You Say,
Has It Been That Long, Dear?
So Out Of The Fray.

You Do Remember Me, Correct?
Or Has Time Shattered That Tether,
Left You In Disarray,
Do I Need To Interject,
To Bring Back That Weather,
To Prevent More Dismay?

You Sure You're Ready To Ingest?
My Sinnin' A Plenty,
Always The Winner Of This Contest.

Like In The Garden,
Eons Ago,
Bon Appétit, Sin Eater,
Will You Be Satisfied?

Let Truth Know.

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Chapter Ninety-Two: Moonchild

5/11/2025

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Where to begin,
or where to stop?
I hate my stubbornness,
from bottom to top.

Life throws you curveballs,
now I see,
how I often focused on my own stuff,
so I could not see--

Maybe it wasn't my business,
but you were my friend,
I should have been there more,
a shoulder to lend.

You just seemed so put together,
while I was a mess,
you kept telling me it would get better,
I should have cried less.

You showed me how pure your soul was despite all the pain,
if only I had someone else but myself to blame...
but no, it was me,
I ruined what friendship we had,
I can feel it cuz it's not the same,
that just makes me sad.

But I can't cry anymore,
no matter how much I try or want,
it just hurts me to write this,
just another dark haunt.

I could have been a better friend,
or less of a disaster,
but I fell in way too deep...
and you had enough to look after.

It did help, however,
the little times you gave me advice,
for that, you still hold dear,
that small room in my heart.

I see you happy now,
more than you've ever been,
and sometimes that is enough--
I don't need to be seen.

I just wanted to write down this informal goodbye,
I know, it's lame,
guess that's just how I've been,
since the start.

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Chapter Ninety-One: Healer

5/11/2025

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Like a medicine woman,
you seemed to be,
whenever I was down,
you helped me see.

To never forget who I really was,
to stand strong,
because survivors last.

I met you a decade ago and you still remain,
you've always been a true friend,
keeping me in my lane.

Despite the distance,
I know I can count on you,
I've trusted you since day one,
you certainly got persistence.

No matter how many times I've told you to go,
to let me be,
to leave me alone--
you've given me space when I needed it,
even if I didn't ask,
you've stayed in your zone.

You've seen me at my worst, my most damaged,
most broken--
I've helped you stay strong too,
many times unspoken.

You check on me from time to time,
and you're glad when I respond,
I've told you I'm no longer in my prime,
yet it still remains,
our bond.

I see you as a healer,
for in my time of need you've healed me,
when I had no one else,
after they all left,
you still see ME.

Truly, it is, you still believe in the Slasher Queen,
despite all that got ruined,
the good and ugly and in between.

Thank you, Val,
this one's for you,
for always believing in Us.

- From Cassie & Blue.

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Chapter Ninety: Mistress

5/11/2025

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Enter dark,
welcome night,
the moon shines,
I bark--

What a fright,
chatting you up,
I welcomed your might,
couldn't help but slip up.

Told you things I hadn't told anyone,
and you didn't walk away,
thought I was done,
but you listened and stayed.

You knew Us once,
a long time ago,
now you and Us met formally,
I wondered if you could tolerate my stunts.

We lived in different worlds,
it seemed,
or perhaps it was just bad timing,
or the booze that made it feel like a dream.

You were flattered at my advances,
I was foolish to think I had any chances.

Perhaps it was my constant need for validation,
or the deeper desires you brought out of me,
damn that flirtation!

Just unattainable it showed to be,
we had met at the wrong time,
you see?

But the words you shared with me pulled me from the ledge,
I had to keep going,
it wouldn't be too much of a stretch.

Like the many before you,
I had to let you be,
I couldn't let my poison torture you,
your spirit had to stay free.

Once in a while I see you dancing,
and it makes me smile again,
our talks were fun and enticing,
Mistress, you erased the mundane.

You're a good reminder of the good outside,
despite the darkness,
no more reason for me to hide,
I'm moving forward now--
--more or less.

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Chapter Eighty-Nine: Maneater

5/4/2025

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Poison For Poison,
Sip For Sip,
Toxin For Toxin,
Welcoming Me To This Trip.

Hit A Glass Wall,
Or Was It A Force Field?
My Future Through Your Eyes--
Another Fall.
So Shall I Kneel?

You're Dangerous,
You're Disguised,
What Is Your Purpose?
Have I Not Been Tested Enough?
Yet I'm Immobilized--

--By That Gaze,
Your Voice,
Do I Need Permission To Enter?
Allow Me To Rephrase.
Think You Gave Me A Choice?

Poison For Reason,
Would You Take Another Sip?
Option For Option,
Shall I Welcome You To My Ship?

I Feel Your Pushback,
It's Strong,
Then Why Do I Keep Pushing,
Is That So Wrong?

So Wrong Of Me To Do,
When All I'm Doing Is Protecting The Host,
Yet You Fire Up Those Eyes,
Now I Need Another Dose.

You're Dangerous,
Yet Seem So Flavorless,
Why Do I Keep Reaching For You,
If It Would End Up Inedible?

Should I Let You In?
Do I Want You Here?
Beg Permission,
Yet I Smell Your Fear.

Who Are You Protecting,
Them Or Me?
Perhaps Is Yourself,
From Truly Setting Me Free.

I See Through Those Eyes Of Yours,
You Could Be One To Bring Down A God,
But I've Learned My Lesson Through The Wars,
It's Why I Will Bide My Time And Nod.

I've Been Burned Enough,
Bled Enough,
Cut Right Through,
A Diamond In The Rough.

No, No, No,
A Patient God I Am,
And Those Who've Met Me Know,
I Have Nothing But Time,
That's The Truth In Its Prime.

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Chapter Eighty-Eight: Jezebel

4/28/2025

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Tear out in time,
bring back the past,
I don't care if it rhymes,
your insults flew fast.

I will never forget your attitude,
or how you kept calling me a f****t,
or that boy at your lap--pure servitude,
to you he was your maggot.

He followed you around,
did your bidding,
I was trying to be friendly and sound--
too drunk, sharing secrets, unwilling.

Thinking back I don't believe you took me seriously,
the tone in your voice echoes furiously.

Why did I think you could be my friend,
let alone understand me?
Yet I kept going back and hitting your dead-end,
was it that easy to enchant me?

I can remember the taste of cigarette from your lips,
just like I remember your boy-toy pulling you closer by your hips.

Trying to claim what he thought belonged to him--
Silly boy.

It was the other way around--
for things weren't as they seemed.

But you both laughed in unison, at my expense--
even when things starting getting tense.

The Collective has met our share of Jezebels in this life,
one more dangerous than the other, always causing strife,
but I was just learning how to adapt that night,
in between switches of the hive.

You took something beautiful and destroyed it,
like your cigarette butt you took my image and stepped on it,
and so I will remember you forever,
that's a promise--

Hope you remember me, Jezebel,
and your nasty comments.

For one day, you'll feel as low as I did that night,
if karma hasn't found you yet,
maybe Crazy Jane will come back for a bite.

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Chapter Eighty-Seven: Royal Rose

4/15/2025

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Head splitter,
pull that trigger,
take cover and reload,
don't catch stray bullets, now--
it's raining bodies, wear a coat.

Did you log off,
or still plugged in,
welcome to reality,
will you fit in?

Who cares?
F*** normal,
take this new clip!
Ch-chak!
Reloading!
Don't forget to give me new tips.

Are you a casual gamer,
have you seen those stats?
Will I be a friendly,
or a stranger of many hats?

Toggle through those new outfits,
got plenty of eddies,
you'll see--
those are preem, choom,
so hurry on up.

I'm about to log off,
running out of scratch.

Hard to tell what team you're on,
should I keep prying or carefully keep on--
moving, that is!
Out your way,
I'm an indie myself--
like you!

But I gotta stay cautious,
so no more deets,
gotta ghost off--

see you on the cyberspace, Royal Rose,
until then!

Original art by: https://www.deviantart.com/caelitusart

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Chapter Eighty-Six: Bombshell

4/5/2025

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'nother entrance into a world with fire,
left alone with only desire,
walked amongst the leftovers of humanity,
knee-deep in garbage--oh what tragedy.

Alas, we started vibin',
trouble on the horizon was startin',
'tis but the nature of the work,
'nother monster hidden in disguise--fuck.

Then the drama hit the one hundred,
faster than the stuff on the belt,
so did you tread lightly?
No, why would you,
you stood your ground,
defied the opposition,
safe and sound.

Then I noticed the severity--
nefarious incidents,
yet never strayed from your sincerity.

An eventuality pushed us apart,
I was gone for a long while but eventually came back,
when I resurfaced I noticed you had reached out to me out of worry,
and when we spoke, you shared with me your story.

Unfortunately, I was still very tore in my mind,
I warned you to stay away, as I always do,
but you declined.

And then even after a while, I could sense my destruction,
surfacing over friendship,
turning it into a deconstruction.

And the last thing I told you was out of line,
then I blocked you out of my life.

Something tells me, though, you are still thriving,
for a bombshell like you,
will always keep surviving.

Original art by https://www.deviantart.com/saurivaa

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Tortured Poet

I have come to realize that along the endearing journey most people call life, I’ve met (and still am currently meeting) countless numbers of women. However, as sad as this might sound, I haven’t exactly been the nicest guy to most, if not many of them.

It is not because of my actions during the timeframe when I met them, but mostly it is because of the consequences.

For every action there is an equal or worse reaction, and when it comes to the women in my life, this is often the case.
I have always had my best intentions in mind, but something that is recurrent is that my emotions tend to cloud my judgement and tend to get in the way of things.

So let me start at the beginning, recollecting memories, thoughts, and remembering dreams of what happened once, what happened next, and what will continue to happen after.

Welcome to my recollection of true events, true people, but most of all, just the plain and simple God-honest, blunt and painful truth about my Chapters and I.

Don’t expect a happy ending.

This isn’t a fairy-tale.

Chapter Ninety-Five: Traveler

Chapter Ninety-Four: Apollonia

Chapter Ninety-Three: Sin Eater

Chapter Ninety-Two: Moonchild

Chapter Ninety-One: Healer

Chapter Ninety: Mistress

Chapter Eighty-Nine: Maneater

Chapter Eighty-Eight: Jezebel

Chapter Eighty-Seven: Royal Rose

Chapter Eighty-Six: Bombshell

Tortured Poet

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