Blog Archives - Random Thoughts

Chapter Fifty-Two: "Fireball"

10/17/2016

There is a lot that goes on with me that for the naked eye, one might miss it. Especially if I do not want anyone to see it, nor hear it, nor understand it.

I was never one to leave things unfinished, and I feel like this Chapter was.

"So quick to retort, Fireball, you reached out to every joke thrown your way, but when I see you, I hear you, I listen to you, but you do not see me, and if you hear, you do not *listen* to me.

Not yet, but you will."

He had left those words written down on this draft.
And at first I thought was because He had stopped writing Chapters. He had come to a close. But I see now that He went yet again and wrote two more. But I will just take it upon myself and write them myself.

A lot has occured in what seemed like months, but is actually just weeks. What I cannot understand is why He does certain things. And I am starting to just let it happen. I cannot fight it anymore. I am tired.

But I am veering off, so let me catch myself again.

I believe perhaps we started on the wrong foot; I do not know how to explain myself, because you are still a fresh Chapter.

And look, recently, I've made mistakes, and I have come aware of how much of an asshole I can be.

I do not intend to.

I just want you to know, I can see there's good in you. Now, I don't know why Chapters are created, or why they run into my life.

But I know everything has a reason.

And with time, perhaps one day everything will make sense to me.

If I ever hurt you, I apologize.

I've hurt a lot of Chapters recently.

I am just trying to catch up to Him.

And it's hard.

Chapter Fifty-One: "Rider"

10/5/2016

Over the course of my life I've come across a young face, someone to help me learn, to help me understand, or at other times, someone in need of saving, helping, and steering in the right path.

Thin Ice

Bad Girl

Lil' Devil

Wild Child

Batgirl

To name a few, or at least, the ones that are worth mentioning.

And now you, Rider.

Another fresh Chapter, one too early to tell what it will read as.

I believe every Chapter happens for a reason; it is only Time that decides when I will learn that reason, whether it comes to me as a lesson, or a loss.

To teach. To learn.

To laugh. To cry.

To help. Or to fail.

But I can only hope that you can grow to understand.

For there are many things I have yet to understand.

But once a Chapter walks through my path, it is hard for that part of me not to pay attention, it is hard not to listen to it whisper in my ear, asking questions.

It is a test, a trigger--

If I could predict it, it would answer many questions, instead of creating more.

But I cannot predict Him, I cannot know when He'll find another Chapter.

I grow scared and I grow weary, and the last thing I want is to confuse.

Friendship is built from Trust.

Chapter Fifty: "Hechicera"

10/5/2016

"She's very hypnotic, something about her should warn me, keep me away, but if anything, it intrigues me. And perhaps I should inquire, to find out what she has to say about us."

"Maybe you should just stay away, maybe you should just leave her the hell alone."

What a constant battle it can become some days, I have gotten so used to keeping to myself, that I almost feel like I have forgotten how to socialize, how to approach people.

So instead of doing that, I choose to stay away.

But there is a part of me that completely disagrees with that idea.

And that part chose to show itself to you. To ask questions. To test you.

He pursues different perspectives from different individuals, always asking questions, wondering if He will arrive at a most definite answer. I do not know what it is we're looking for, for each of us are looking for different things, even when it benefits us both.

Or hurts us both.

All I know is that you've peaked His interest and that He would like to further explore your mind, your ideas, and what you think of Us.

From what little I can see, you are going through a phase in your life where you need to learn to love yourself. Find yourself.

Then decide what you really want in life.

I remember going through that phase.

I remember hating who I was. Where I was.

I remember waking up, looking myself in the mirror and asking the same questions.

This is why I am drawn to you, I find it that time separates us.

And perhaps He can sense that, too. He wants to learn. Your theories are very interesting to Him.

But I am more interested, perhaps, in seeing if you can offer a perspective to me, one that can help me figure out His beginning, but more so, His ultimate end.

Before He learns it first.

♫ ♬ No, no se sabe donde ♫ ♬de dónde ha salido y a dónde ha ido ella es un misterio ♫ ♬ se mueve con cadencia ♫ ♬ con la inocencia de una princesa ♫ ♬ que nadie toca ♫ ♬

Chapter Forty-Nine: "Fighter"

10/4/2016

You're a traveler, and honestly, that would have been my Chapter Name choice for you, but something about it did not quite fit.

It did not ring true, not as true as Fighter did.

Slowly but surely it started to make more sense to me. Because you are, you are a Fighter, and I admire that in an individual.

I have found many that have chosen to give up, just as yours truly, but it is on a rare occasion I find one that has the will to keep going.

To fight.

You have proven to be illusive, for you have often disappeared, and with the timing being what it is, I was not sure if you would be one of the ones that stayed.

Until you did.

Then I started listening. Wondering if you had noticed that I noticed. I usually keep to myself, I do not just choose a Chapter without reason.

For there are reasons I choose not to really show myself.

Mostly because trust is currency these days.

But because trust is something that is built, not purchased, one must always be weary, and one must always treat it like it's in high demand.

I do trust you.

And slowly I am starting to understand why.

But you are new and you are fresh to my world.

I only hope you can understand it and understand me, as well.

Chapter Forty-Eight: "Wayward Child"

10/4/2016

You fascinating creature, you. I do not know much about you. But something called out to me.

At first, you were like the others, in the background. It wasn't until you moved up that the painting started clearing up.

Was it the sudden change and the adaptability that made me miss it, or was it something more.

You are also a fresh Chapter, new to my world order. But do not fret, for you will soon understand more.

Things have been proven, slightly difficult, for lack of a better term. There is no balance. Not yet.

Perhaps I can fix things to what went down between you and him.

Perhaps I cannot.

He is a stubborn bastard, but I imagine with time, all heals.

Or so they say.

He worries because of your approach to the Queen. It is okay. He is overprotective, is all.

He asks questions, and I deliver answers.

He overthinks everything. That is his problem.

But I can see there is no evil in you. None that he should worry about.

There is, however, mystery. Mystery that needs to unfold.

In time.

Meantime, do not worry about him.

Things will be handled.

Trust is built from the ground up.

He just started differently than me.

Chapter Forty-Seven: "Siren"

10/3/2016

I was unsure whether I'd ever see you again, but you came back, you seemed to always come back.

I never really got the chance to really know you the first time.

But you kept coming back, and that voice of yours, that's what captivated my attention. What stopped me, and begged me to listen.

To look closer.

That singing voice, like a siren out at sea, bringing in the sailors and anyone else around that could hear it.

So I told him to pay attention, and fast forward and here we are.

We still do not know much about you, like the recent others, you are fresh, you are new to us.

But you are intriguing, and I will like to know more.

Distance has once again, come between us, and now it is much harder to keep track, to keep conversations from fading.

But I can still hear you sing. Like your voice left echoes that never fade.

They just keep...

...begging me to listen.

Dear Siren, we have not been the best at keeping in touch.

But I know this will be rectified.

There is time.

I can still hear your laugh, I can still see your face light up, and your eyes wide open in amazement.

That silliness that made you who you are.

It is a painting that can not be erased.

So sing.

Let me hear you.

For I hope, you hear me.

Chapter Forty-Six: "Batgirl"

10/3/2016

"You know at the end of the day, when you close the door and you're all alone... And you strip off your armor and lower your guard and peel away the mask... When there's nobody watching and nothing to hide... And you no longer need to be strong or clever or pretty or brave... There's just you. That's it. That's the soul."

You know what I like about secrets? They are buried, deep in your soul. No one can take them away. You lock them inside and the only way they ever leave is if you let them. If you unfold right in front of someone and literally pour your heart out.

What comes later, the aftermath, that is what I do not like. You can never know what will happen, how people will react. How that individual will take that secret.

Will they accept it, will they ignore it, will they use it against you?

The cycle had started, and I knew that there was something about you, something that was buried, hidden, but that you kept close.

Close enough to let loose.

You simply needed just...a push.

But that is what you did to him. You pushed him.

And so here we are.

I could not expect to know what was coming next. Whether or not you'd understand, for you were young. But once the test was displayed, all that was needed was the results.

You accepted it. You embraced it. And you became a Chapter.

A fresh one, a new one, and as time passed, one to stay, to understand, to test.

He was there for you, and you were there for him.

A balance required, presented and kept.

A promise, a friendship, an unbreakable bond.

From one hero to another, he has your back and you have his.

But what is it that they say? What doesn't kill you simply makes you...stranger?

Ah yes.

Well, here we are.

Understanding the flaw in the code.

You know me, I know you.

In a cold, hard world, only the strong survive, and although some might say you are not, I can prove them they are wrong.

I see the strength in you, the nobility, the will to fight.

You might keep it buried, but he knows you can bring it out when needed.

Yes, you are young, but because you are young, you will learn. I can teach you.

And he can show you.

Because to him, you are like the young sister he never got the chance to help raise.

His hero complex will allow him to teach you.

And I will be with him every step of the way.

Know this, dear Batgirl...

...we have your back.

No matter.

What.

When.

Or who gets in the way.

You have much to learn, but stick with us, and you will learn to embrace the fire rather than get burnt.

Chapter Forty-Five: "Sassy One"

10/3/2016

You...interest me. You came to me at a time when I was regaining trust.

You walked around and patrolled, watching the clock tick tock its way to the end of the night.

I could not stay long. Why would I. The shift had ended, so I left.

I had to.

But then one night, I didn't. I stuck around. We spoke. I presented to you as fully as I could. I showered you with information about what was behind the curtain, and you embraced it.

You realized there was something, but could not see what it was, until you learned, then it opened your eyes as to who I was and why things were done in a manner that they were done.

It made sense.

I made sense to you.

Your jokes brought a smile to his face, and to me, well, I knew something was brewing.

Perhaps there was a reason why we met when we met.

Then timed passed and we shared more.

But then you were gone.

You are one of my newest Chapters. Fresh. But learning.

Why?

Because you stuck around. Even when you were gone.

And now you are still here.

Sassy as ever.

I can remember the beginning of this Chapter.

I can feel the pages turning.

And there is much more to be seen.

To be read.

And to be written.

Tortured Poet

I have come to realize that along the endearing journey most people call life, I’ve met (and still am currently meeting) countless numbers of women. However, as sad as this might sound, I haven’t exactly been the nicest guy to most, if not many of them.

It is not because of my actions during the timeframe when I met them, but mostly it is because of the consequences.

For every action there is an equal or worse reaction, and when it comes to the women in my life, this is often the case.
I have always had my best intentions in mind, but something that is recurrent is that my emotions tend to cloud my judgement and tend to get in the way of things.

So let me start at the beginning, recollecting memories, thoughts, and remembering dreams of what happened once, what happened next, and what will continue to happen after.

Welcome to my recollection of true events, true people, but most of all, just the plain and simple God-honest, blunt and painful truth about my Chapters and I.

Don’t expect a happy ending.

This isn’t a fairy-tale.

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