I wake in the middle of the night sometimes, a bit of sweat on my brow and I find it difficult to get a grip of myself because of how tightly the covers feel against my body. I shake my head to remind myself that I am no longer dreaming, and only then can I catch my breath and realize what it is that has bothered my sleep.
I realize it's something deep in my head. I thought about something that has been stressing me for the better part of a year. Then time passes by again and when morning comes I realize how close I get to that moment. I've been waiting for this moment for a while now. It is something that has been itching inside my skull for quite some time. It was something that I didn't think I would reach yet, perhaps because of how my life was at the time, I am not entirely sure. Perhaps it was just doubt that clouded me and prevented me from seeing this met through.
One thing is for sure, however, and that is that the moment has finally come and in about a short amount of hours I will have a definitive answer, one that will not only decide the rest of my career but also the rest of my days in this state. Whether or not the answer I get is the one I want will depend entirely on how the meeting goes. I, for sure, I am certain that whatever the answer will be, it will interest me into deciding what kind of step I will want to make next. I only hope that the answer I get is a positive one because I have gone for far too long with anger in my heart and I have done everything that I was supposed to do, behaved the way I was told to behave, and I have followed every rule and every step of the way to the letter. The only thing I can say about this moment in my life is that it will be a definitive one and it will forever change who I am.
Whatever answer I get tomorrow will impact the rest of my life from this moment on, and will forever change how I view myself. As a person. As a family member. As a worker. As a human being.
I have waited. I am ready. But the question here, is will they be ready? Will they push me in the right direction?
Or will I have to carve my own road in the direction I need it to go?
This is no longer a question of want.
Is a matter of need.
And I need what I was promised.
I need it to happen.
Because I don't want to have to force it to happen.
I realize it's something deep in my head. I thought about something that has been stressing me for the better part of a year. Then time passes by again and when morning comes I realize how close I get to that moment. I've been waiting for this moment for a while now. It is something that has been itching inside my skull for quite some time. It was something that I didn't think I would reach yet, perhaps because of how my life was at the time, I am not entirely sure. Perhaps it was just doubt that clouded me and prevented me from seeing this met through.
One thing is for sure, however, and that is that the moment has finally come and in about a short amount of hours I will have a definitive answer, one that will not only decide the rest of my career but also the rest of my days in this state. Whether or not the answer I get is the one I want will depend entirely on how the meeting goes. I, for sure, I am certain that whatever the answer will be, it will interest me into deciding what kind of step I will want to make next. I only hope that the answer I get is a positive one because I have gone for far too long with anger in my heart and I have done everything that I was supposed to do, behaved the way I was told to behave, and I have followed every rule and every step of the way to the letter. The only thing I can say about this moment in my life is that it will be a definitive one and it will forever change who I am.
Whatever answer I get tomorrow will impact the rest of my life from this moment on, and will forever change how I view myself. As a person. As a family member. As a worker. As a human being.
I have waited. I am ready. But the question here, is will they be ready? Will they push me in the right direction?
Or will I have to carve my own road in the direction I need it to go?
This is no longer a question of want.
Is a matter of need.
And I need what I was promised.
I need it to happen.
Because I don't want to have to force it to happen.
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