"There is a difference between giving up and knowing when you've had enough."
I was wrong.
It all became too much in the end. I'm the kind of person that can be patient, that can pick up the weight and carry it through the mud. I can be that person, but I can also get to the point where the weight gets to be too much. The stress gets to me. Invades my mind past the breaking point.
I see that now, for I have run into scenarios where I've tried to keep my cool and realized that I'm beat.
There is no other way around it. I just can't take it all anymore. I can feel myself starting to shake. The dam getting ready to break.
And I can't allow myself to go through that again. I can't allow myself to break.
I can be so damn stubborn sometimes, but right now, after going over everything that I've learned, everything that I've accomplished, I can see clearly now that the defining line between giving up and letting go has arrived right in front of me. I enjoyed learning new things, accepting the responsibility that came with new power.
But the cross has become too much to bear. I will accept that I can own up this moment with no shame and no regret. I gained experience, became more aware of the situation around me and my coworkers. I have seen things about the workplace, learned things about others, that I do not look at this promotion as wasted time.
I see this as an opportunity that presented itself, and I took it. I learned from it. And I can look at it now, years later, and be able to walk away from it with my chest up high and my will unbroken.
I can let go and not feel guilty. I can let go and not feel like I've failed.
I can let go and feel free.
This doesn't make me weaker.
This is only part of discovering myself. Testing my limits.
Learning my strength, and understanding when I need to back off.
When it's time to take a step back.
And now I see that being a manager is not who I am.