You know how you look at a coin and see two sides? Well, this girl reminded me of that. She seemed like the nice girl one would fall for, but there was something else that I was missing...the other side of the coin.
One of the memories that come with her when I speak her name is one of the memories that allowed me to see both faces of the coin. This girl was in my class, unlike The Horizon, this girl was from Grade B--which I was in--and so one year, when they had chosen to mix both Grade A and B and interchange classmates, I had ended up with The Horizon in the same grade as this girl. The memory I am referring to is the one in which I found myself sitting at my desk, and the bully of the class had reached for my hat. They were playing with it and tossing it and no one would give it back. I remember seeing The Horizon looking at this happening and doing nothing but laughing. All the while this girl was two rows of seats behind me, also watching, but instead, she chose to stand up and reach for my hat. She had picked it up, and at first I thought she was going to play with it as the others were, but instead walked up to me and was going to return it.
Here's the kicker, however...what I had thought was an act of kindness, was indeed not. She had been annoyed by their "games" and so came over to me, threw my hat on my desk and annoyingly walked off. I then realized what the other side of the coin looked like.
I thought she was nice, that she was good enough to change me into the man I had always dreamed of being, but I was a fool. I had led myself into a corner, thinking that there could have been a chance with this girl, not realizing that she had already been taken by someone else, someone I didn’t even knew at the moment. But my heart didn’t seem to care, and so to further ridicule myself I went and decided to ask her to be my girlfriend.
Sad to say, she didn’t respond to me, she didn’t even face me; instead she chose to send a friend to let me know the bad news. At that point I was so angry, both at her and her friend, but mostly at myself; if I had listened to my head instead of my heart, I wouldn’t have gotten myself into that calamity and spared some "heartbreak."
I was young and foolish sure, but it didn’t justify the fact that it was stupidity that led me on that path, one that much later I would choose to follow again, and again, and again.
I guess old habits die hard.