Dr. Jean Grey: "I'd rather not."
Wolverine: "C'mon. You afraid you might like it?"
Dr. Jean Grey: "I doubt it."
I met this Chapter at a time when all I wanted to do was feel nothing; I had already been very secretive and already had walls put up, but after the most recent break-up I really did not have any reason to trust anyone. I hardened and played the tough guy so as to push anyone trying to get close to me far, far away.
Then this Chapter stumbled upon my life and a lot of things changed. When I say that she was the Jean Grey to my Wolverine, I mean it very literal. In any of my previous relationships I had shared deep connections, but when it came to getting close with this Chapter, my whole perspective on a "mental" connection changed.
But I should start at the beginning, for this Chapter goes places. Places I never thought it would go, especially in the small time-frame that it had. She was one of those co-workers that quit and went to school and then came back during the summer, so I didn't pay much attention to her back when I had first met her. She was with someone and I didn't have any reason to pay close attention. It wasn't until much later when she would leave and then later when she came back that something started to get my attention. It wasn't just that she was single now, or that her long red hair was very attractive and distracting. No, there was something about her that I felt needed my attention, but I could not put my finger on it.
So one day, she asked me to join her and her friends to a meeting of Magik. Now, at first, I had no clue what the hell that was, but again, the voice in my head told me sincerely, "What do you have to lose?" And so I agreed to go, and went. We met at the Alley Cat in Old Town and as I walked to the table upstairs, sat down with them and joined them. What followed was the start of something very interesting. Her small questions and looks from the other side of the table warned me about her, but it wasn't until she asked for my phone number that I really started to listen to that voice in my head.
A warning. But He also wanted to play.
Small talk turned into serious talk, and we started hanging out more. But when things got close, we realized it was better if the whole thing stayed behind the curtain, especially at work. It would make things easier between us, but what we did not know was that if anything, it would be extremely hard to hide our masks, and stand behind the charade. One of my biggest problems with relationships is that I always jump in too quick and move too soon. The problem here was imminent. Especially because I opened up to her about my demons and to my surprise, she told me about hers. All of a sudden nothing else mattered; all I wanted was to keep sharing time with her, for I felt a much deeper connection with her.
Her demons danced well with me, and even at times when neither of us would talk, we would know when the other was hurting. There was such a strong mental connection I shared with her, one that I've never before shared with anyone. It was strange, because to me, the relationship was too early, too...soon. Then I started to feel a knot in my stomach, like because of these worries, I'd end up screwing up again and throwing this relationship away. But there was something else brewing that I could not foresee, because unlike her, I could not see that far.
I did not want to. That has always been my problem as well. In any relationship I've been, I always just like to take it one step at a time, when I start looking too into the future, I start worrying, and stressing, and I end up in arguments I wish I didn't have. So the relationship was rushed, and as time passed, I found myself falling for her, and she for me, but the inevitability of her going back to school was growing closer.
And I wanted to do everything in my power to keep it from falling apart. So she moved back to school, and we tried to make it work.
It did not work.
As my Phoenix flew away, all I could do was stand there and await her return.
But instead, she just burned bright, and was never to be seen again.