It was comfort.
Something about your aura just made me feel like I could trust you. Like you were...a good heart.
I was merely a CC back then, and you were my boss. All I could think of was, this is a job, and I have a job to do. So let's do it.
Time passed and I eased more around you. There wasn't much to say because I was still fresh and new.
I always held respect for authoritative figures; part of how I was raised. I saw your interactions with the other bosses and everyone seemed to like you. You were just...a good heart.
As I began to transform and go up the ladder, I eventually reached a point when I was offered to be a boss. It was exhilarating, new, and fresh, but I was scared. I did not know if I could do it.
Then one day, you came to me and asked me, "is this really what you want to do?"
I honestly never felt so much doubt enter my mind; but the other guy just wanted to scream, "Yes, this is what I want."
I tend to overthink things and this moment was one of them. So I tried it, and then came one day when I felt like I had broken down again; everything around me, the pressure, the responsibility, it became too much, and I could not stop Him from yelling in my ear telling me to man-up and get it together.
So I took a step back and I almost lost that opportunity.
I almost felt like maybe just quitting entirely would have been an easy out.
I kept thinking, going back to that moment. "Is this something you really want to do?"
This time I answered. I said, "yes. I do." And I told Him.
I can do this. I will do this. I am not a coward.
And time passed yet again and I had to leave for training; I was away and I didn't know anybody, but the people I met there, they were good. And all I could think of was, if this became my permanent store, I could--I would be okay with it.
I could say goodbye to everyone. And restart.
I mean, I've been hitting the restart button on my life constantly, this wasn't new.
But I came back, and you were still there.
I started feeling like maybe, maybe there was more.
And time passed again, and even though I rarely saw you because of our schedules, when we did work together, it was good. Enjoyable.
And all He wanted to do was speak with you.
But I was so adamant about it. It didn't feel right.
But I am tired of fighting. And in the end, it's like you told Him:
"You need one and the other to function."
I expected myself to get a hold of you first, to open up to you, but He beat me to it and now everything has changed.
I can only hope that this change...it's for the better.
And that as we grow to learn more about one another...
...that it doesn't...consume us.
I, too, see a good heart in you as you see one in mine.