Chapter Fifty-Three: "Shadow Maven"

We met what seems like an eternity ago, but I will never forget what I felt.

It was comfort.

​Something about your aura just made me feel like I could trust you. Like you were...a good heart.

I was merely a CC back then, and you were my boss. All I could think of was, this is a job, and I have a job to do. So let's do it.

Time passed and I eased more around you. There wasn't much to say because I was still fresh and new.

I always held respect for authoritative figures; part of how I was raised. I saw your interactions with the other bosses and everyone seemed to like you. You were just...a good heart.

As I began to transform and go up the ladder, I eventually reached a point when I was offered to be a boss. It was exhilarating, new, and fresh, but I was scared. I did not know if I could do it.

Then one day, you came to me and asked me, "is this really what you want to do?"

I honestly never felt so much doubt enter my mind; but the other guy just wanted to scream, "Yes, this is what I want."

I tend to overthink things and this moment was one of them. So I tried it, and then came one day when I felt like I had broken down again; everything around me, the pressure, the responsibility, it became too much, and I could not stop Him from yelling in my ear telling me to man-up and get it together.

So I took a step back and I almost lost that opportunity.

I almost felt like maybe just quitting entirely would have been an easy out.

"Coward."

I kept thinking, going back to that moment. "Is this something you really want to do?"

This time I answered. I said, "yes. I do." And I told Him.

I can do this. I will do this. I am not a coward.

And time passed yet again and I had to leave for training; I was away and I didn't know anybody, but the people I met there, they were good. And all I could think of was, if this became my permanent store, I could--I would be okay with it.

I could say goodbye to everyone. And restart.

I mean, I've been hitting the restart button on my life constantly, this wasn't new.

But I came back, and you were still there.

I started feeling like maybe, maybe there was more.

And time passed again, and even though I rarely saw you because of our schedules, when we did work together, it was good. Enjoyable.

And all He wanted to do was speak with you.

But I was so adamant about it. It didn't feel right.

But I am tired of fighting. And in the end, it's like you told Him:

"You need one and the other to function."

I expected myself to get a hold of you first, to open up to you, but He beat me to it and now everything has changed.

I can only hope that this change...it's for the better.

And that as we grow to learn more about one another...

...that it doesn't...consume us.

I, too, see a good heart in you as you see one in mine.

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