"Your first love isn't always the first person you kiss, or the first person you date. Your first love is the person you will always compare everyone to. The person you will never truly get over, even when you've convinced yourself you've moved on."
I have come to a realization--which shouldn't have taken me this long to reach--but nevertheless, it's been cracked wide open before me. I've looked for love in all the wrong places, not on purpose, but on accident. Life is all about experience, and there's a familiar saying about love: "If you haven't loved and lost, then you've never loved at all." Or something along those lines. For the longest time I disliked that saying--thought of it as cliche, unreal. As my experiences with love have taken me on wild goose chases and definite disastrous roller-coasters, this realization has only finally appeared before my eyes tonight. It is safe to say that it's something that has been building up to this night, perhaps because it always ignites between relationships and breakups that I go through.
Something always sets it off: trust. Whether it's trusting someone or having my trust betrayed, it always starts with it and ends because of it.
I have met my share of women through the corners of my life, and I am only talking up to this point, 27 years of it all. I haven't been one to settle, and I've been known to be one to be hard of choosing.
As I have evolved into the person I am today, I have accepted certain truths about me, and it is because of the lack of acceptance of my loving partner on this that my relationships have always been doomed from the start. Now I am not saying it should be forced upon them to accept these truths, but rather, for me to realize the fact of the matter.
I will never achieve happiness in a relationship until I find the one that accepts me whole.
One that can accept every corner of my mind. One that can understand what it is to be me. One that can see the real me.
Not one that will try to change me. Not one that will want to ignore certain parts of me. Not one that will see me as someone other than myself.
Now this would all go just fine if it wasn't for one little tragedy that I always seem to find.
The hard truth with wanting something, is the fear of losing it once you have it.
I am afraid that no matter what, when and if I find her, I will always push her away...
Something always sets it off: trust. Whether it's trusting someone or having my trust betrayed, it always starts with it and ends because of it.
I have met my share of women through the corners of my life, and I am only talking up to this point, 27 years of it all. I haven't been one to settle, and I've been known to be one to be hard of choosing.
As I have evolved into the person I am today, I have accepted certain truths about me, and it is because of the lack of acceptance of my loving partner on this that my relationships have always been doomed from the start. Now I am not saying it should be forced upon them to accept these truths, but rather, for me to realize the fact of the matter.
I will never achieve happiness in a relationship until I find the one that accepts me whole.
One that can accept every corner of my mind. One that can understand what it is to be me. One that can see the real me.
Not one that will try to change me. Not one that will want to ignore certain parts of me. Not one that will see me as someone other than myself.
Now this would all go just fine if it wasn't for one little tragedy that I always seem to find.
The hard truth with wanting something, is the fear of losing it once you have it.
I am afraid that no matter what, when and if I find her, I will always push her away...