Random Thoughts - Donatto

Send-Off

1/25/2018

Donatto
Donatello
Donatin.
Gogachin of Skyrim.
Rubio,
Tello,
Bebe Precioso,
Whenever you growled,
guau, que furioso!

You remember when you almost ate Ricky?
That fluffy bunny with the bent ear,
oh dear.

Do you remember saying hi to Dad?
I remember, and yet I don't feel sad.

So it's been a year, and here we are.
Why don't I feel a thing?
Did I leave my heart in a jar?
I miss you, Donatin!

Donatto!
Esperame un rato.
Are you waiting for me, though?
Or are you waiting for me to let go?

Like when we played tug-of-war with Rex,
from Toy Story,
you never let go,
I had invaded your territory!

And you growled and you barked at me
like I was your enemy,
but something inside always told me,
for every hurt, you were the remedy.

And now you are gone,
and I still hate goodbyes,
and even though I feel so alone,
I am here with the guys.

And we all miss you,
I know,
so I'll light a candle for you,
for in my heart, you'll always glow.

Dancing With Your Ghost

12/29/2017

Merry Fucking Christmas,
here we are,
together yet far apart,
but not to fucking worry,
we're just fine,
let me drink to you, King,
I'll pour the wine!

Fuck yeah!
This shitty year is ending,
look forward,
I'm done pretending,
I'll always fucking miss you,
and that's just fine,
cheers, my fluffy partner in crime!

We will find each other in time.

Besos, Dona,
I'll be here,
remembering the times we ran together,
whenever I was down you made it better,
so ran up in the sky,
chill with those other pups,
when I cross those pearly gates
I'll say, "what's up!"

--- <3 ---

True Blue

11/29/2017

I'm here again,
yup, I know,
shoot down that migraine,
sweat under brow.

Let me hear that bark, though.

True Blue is my color,
some know,
some see beyond it,
so I'll paint again,
watercolor,
I hear the chains on your collar.

The jingle belonged to you before me,
those chains on my belt, debris like me,
now the Blue Moon sings to thee.

In the dreamscape you chase,
and I run alongside you,
into our secret hiding place.

My room like no other,
nothing but clutter.

So hide with me,
and bark,
my guardian angel monarch.

I turn the keys in the ignition,
look out the window,
feel that breeze?

Here we go again,
into more moments like these.

Lifeline

10/25/2017

"Perdi todos mis adioses,
cuando te deje ir,
yo intente con brazos abiertos,
pero no pude ver,
y baje en espiral,
baje en espiral."

So it's my turn,
I've been avoiding this for too long,
lo se, lo siento,
but I can still feel you burn,
a fire that just belongs.

No se como decirtelo,
how to write the right words,
looking at your photos,
knives pierce my heart,
big knives and swords.

And then it stops me,
cuts me cold,
my hand is frozen,
I'm in a choke-hold.

Dona, dime que haces,
are you running around free,
I have your paw-print made of ashes.

A lock of hair,
your leather coat,
and your smell still chokes my throat.

So I'm pulled into darkness,
where I will hear your bark,
do I then dare close my eyes,
dare I swim with the sharks?

This is me spiraling,
out of control,
I still curse at the skies,
yell at God,
as I turn to brown coal.

I saw your partner today,
Shadow is doing good,
getting old as they say.

And then I stared into his eyes,
held his head close,
I remembered how it felt,
when you looked at me,
how a dog just knows.

I'm stuck in silence,
the music stopped playing,
and when your bark faded,
too much brotherly slaying.

I always wondered if you could have talked,
what would you had said to me?
Would you tell me now to keep praying?

Chase me in my dreams,
I'm sick of crying.

The rules have changed,
wish you were here,
you'd understand...

...why I've been avoiding writing you this,
I'm stuck in an island.

If You Must Die

9/22/2017

If you must die, I suppose I shall accept it, not much other choice to have, really.

"You have to let him go."
"Yeah, I know. I think it's time."
"He kicked ass, didn't he?"
"He always did. Remember all the falls down the stairs? All the scares?"
"Ha ha, yes I do! Gave us a fucking heart attack..."
"Many times, T."
"But it's time you let him go."
"But I don't want to."
"None of us want to, Z."

"So... What do I do? How?"
"I'll show you."

"Will you?"

"I'm supposed to take care of you, aren't I?"

"Haha, and I always thought it was the other way around..."

Mercy

9/22/2017

Months, it's been months.
And I'm supposed to believe that I'm okay?
That I don't miss you.
Why would I lie to myself?
Why would I pretend losing you didn't break me?

Didn't shatter me.

In pieces?

It's been months, yes.

Imagine how it will be in years.

Ha ha ha!

Are we counting dog years?

I should have written this sooner,
one month ago, to be exact.

I was busy.

I only hope you forgive me.

C0uLd nOt F1x Y0U

7/27/2017

weLL, hErE wE aRe,
tHinkIng oF a LosT baTTle,
a LosT FriENd,
sO fORgiVE mY pSYChobaBBle,
i WiSh I hAD a BoNE tO LenD
yOu aS yOu TrAVel AWaY,
fAR bUT StrONg DeSPIte thE PaiN.

i ALMosT fEEL liKe i ToOk yOu FoR
GrANTed,
foRGivE mE fROm nOt GIVing YoU
tHE LiFe YoU WanTed.

tHERe wAs So MuCH TiMe sPENt AloNE,
tOO buSY, BUt yOU AlWAys GuaRDed mY ThROne.

AnD sO i SaT uPoN tHIS chAIR,
wATChed iT PlaY bACK,
A WrECKing MemoRY AfaR,
cAreSSIng yOuR HaIR,
yOUR laST bREATh UpOn ThIS HaND,
i WOuld GivE AwaY mY oTHer To FeEL aGAin.

bUT nOW yOU'RE gONE, aND I ProMISed,
i'D WaTCH oVeR tHe KinG,
I cOULd nOT fIX yOU, dId nOt cATch It iN tIME,
bUT i wILL AlWAYs remEmbEr hOW suBLimE
yoUr WiLL tO kEEP gOINg WaS.

sO ACCept ThIS LaTe ApOLOGy,
mY sTronG LoYaL pARtnER,
i WiLL pLAy yOu A SonG oN mY PiANo
aS i Go InTo ThE mAUsolEum,
yOU WiLL foREVer iN eTERniTy hAvE tHE ThrONE
iNsiDe tHE mUseUm.

Eulogy for a Prince

6/25/2017

“Be thine own palace, or the world's thy jail.”

"As virtuous men pass mildly away,
And whisper to their souls to go,
Whilst some of their sad friends do say,
"The breath goes now," and some say, "No,"

So let us melt, and make no noise,
No tear-floods, nor sigh-tempests move;
'Twere profanation of our joys
To tell the laity our love.

Moving of the earth brings harms and fears,
Men reckon what it did and meant;
But trepidation of the spheres,
Though greater far, is innocent.

Dull sublunary lovers' love
(Whose soul is sense) cannot admit
Absence, because it doth remove
Those things which elemented it.

But we, by a love so much refined
That our selves know not what it is,
Inter-assured of the mind,
Care less, eyes, lips, and hands to miss.

Our two souls therefore, which are one,
Though I must go, endure not yet
A breach, but an expansion.
Like gold to airy thinness beat.

If they be two, they are two so
As stiff twin compasses are two:
Thy soul, the fixed foot, makes no show
To move, but doth, if the other do;

And though it in the center sit,
Yet when the other far doth roam,
It leans, and hearkens after it,
And grows erect, as that comes home.

Such wilt thou be to me, who must,
Like the other foot, obliquely run;
Thy firmness makes my circle just,
And makes me end where I begun."

"As many gods tore through the path,
And sang their sorrows away,
Whilst the false idols did pray,
"The breath goes now," He said, "let go,"

So allows us to sing once again and make big noise,
Music to tear skin, fast storms that move;
'Twere high praise of our sorrow
To honor this eulogy of our Prince.

Tearing of the heart brings chaos and war,
Gods reckon what it does and means;
But to lose control of the keys,
Though greater fear, is to admit fault.

Twisted puzzled lovers' hurt
(Whose hearts are serene) can only accept
in absence, because it doth remove
The loyalties which created it.

But the gods, by a pain so much in dark
That the false idols know not what it is not,
Uninsured mind,
Forgetfulness, these hands, minds and lungs to breathe.

Our two hearts therefore, which are one,
Though He must go, endures this
Breach and revolt.
Like stolen treasure leads to a weakened beat.

If they become two, they are two so
As broken compasses are one:
The soul, the fixed lungs, make no effort
To stop, but doth, if the other do;

And though He, in the center throne sits,
Yet when the others far doth roam,
He leans, and elicits with it,
And grows prideful, as that which pains returns home.

So, wilt thou be with me, as I am with thee,
Like two hearts in one, straightly beat;
Thy strength makes my kingdom run,
And makes me perish with you,
that is where I belong."

"Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove.
O no, it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wand'ring bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken."

br1ng m3 b4ck

5/26/2017

a picture painted picture i see a picture photo perfect to be free,
break the chains chains that break you three.

shattered minds minds that shatter here,
come hither, siblings siblings amongst thee,
caramel-colored pup, pup with caramel skin,
skin so soft to touch touch our soft heart, part of our kin.

what a system system broken,
broken amongst thirteen,
thirteen amongst broken,
heartbroken.

how can we we can redeem,
redeem freedom,
freedom within.

a piece missing missing piece,
caged blue moon moon blue as disease,
everything everything,
dies and rots,
rots and dies,
which lies are better better lies are disguise.

dust to dust to dust to dust,
i know i disgust disgust i know,
i know what i must must i know,
we all become Rust,
Rust, i must, must I rust?

What Is Love?

4/26/2017

Earth-Shattering, World-Breaking,
Heart-Mending Fools,
Do You Realize Those Moments Few,
Taken For Granted, Written As Rules?

Does Any One Of You Know, Tell Me,
Please,
What Sort Of Unfitting Puzzle,
What Sort Of Incurable Disease?

Hits You From The Inside, Burns You Right,
Never Thought It Would Bite.

Yet Here I Am, Called Out From Slumber,
Thought It Was Me,
Missed My Number.

A Moment Stolen,
So Apologies,
These Eyes Are Swollen,
Damn This Pathology.

You Fought Hard,
No One Ever Doubted,
Nor Would Have Guessed,
How Long, Astounding!

Seventeen Birthday Candles Later,
It Became Time To See Your Creator,
A Moment Gone, Felt Like An Hour,
Through The Hourglass, Drained, Your Power.

And Memories A Flutter!
You're Running Fast!
You're Chasing Near,
I Don't Want You To Suffer!
It Hurts, Blast!
See You In Another Year!
Another Lifetime, Donatto, Breathe!
Your Last Breath, I'm Near!
A Place Reserved In This Heart, Underneath...

My Turn For A Poem,
I Know The Feeling--
Broken.

Held Your Paw One Last Time,
Felt Z Screaming,
Missed Time,
Amidst The Chaos H Reading,
The Door's Unlocked,
The Library Open,
Together Again,
A Family In One Moment.

I Bid You Farewell,
Our Friend, Our Partner, Our Dog, Our Armor.

Welcoming Z's Departure,
Amidst The Changes Yours Was Brutal,
A Lot More To Go, Farther,
To Fight This Change, Futile.

And Now Here We Are,
Four Months Went By,
Still Remains, The Scar,
For We Never Were Really Good...

At Good-Bye.