Random Thoughts - Doctor

G4t3k33p3r

5/15/2020

L0ng 4g0, 5h3 t0ld m3, "1f y0u g3t th3 0pp0rtun1ty, y0u 5h0uld k1ll y0ur5elf."
4t f1r5t, 1 kn3w b3tt3r th4n t0 t4k3 h3r 53r10u5. 4nd 1 4m 4 v3ry 53r10u5 m4n.

5h3 f3lt 5h3 h4d n0 purp05e, n0 r3450n t0 b3.

1 h4d 5tud13d h4r f0r 45 l0ng 45 1 c0uld r3m3mb3r. 5h3 w45 5tr0ng, 5tubborn, but d4d1c4t3d t0 k33p g01ng, 3v3n wh3n 5h3 f3lt 5h3 c0uldn't 4nym0r3.

h3r n4m3 w45 515t3r; h3r c0l0r b3c4me purpl3, f0r d35p1t3 h3r l0v3 f0r th3 c0l0r bl4ck, 1t h4d 4lr34dy b33n t4k3n.

"What's my purpose here, Doc? Seriously? Lay it on me."

"3v3ry 51ngl3 0n3 of u5 h45 4 purp053. 4 r3450n f0r b31ng. Y0u 4r3 4 G4t3k33p3r. Y0u h3lp y0ur 51bl1ng5 5w1tch 54f3ly."

"You realize that means I have to stay inside. Trapped."

"N0t tr4pp3d. Y0u 4r3n't 4 pr15on3r."

"The hell I'm not."

******

N0w

"Is Cassandra Ready?"

"Th3 r34l qu35t10n h3r3, Truth, 15 4r3 y0u r34dy, f0r wh4t w1ll c0m3 fr0m th15?"

"None Of Us Have A Choice, Doc. I'll Be Seeing You."

"1 h0p3 y0u 4r3 r1ght th15 t1m3."

"If We Make It Through The Rest Of The Year, We Will See Who Was Right And Who Was Wrong."

*********

1 4m th3 4lph4 4nd th3 0m3g4

4/6/2020

"Th15 15 3x4ctly wh0 y0u 4r3."

"What Are You Doing, Doc?"
"St3p 4w4y, Truth. H4nd h3r 0v3r."
"T, what's going on...fuck, Doc? Is that you?"

"H4nd h3r 0v3r. 0r f4d3. F0r3v3r."

"Over My Corpse, Old Man."
"T... what's going on!"

"S00n3r 0r l4t3r, y0u b0th sh0uld h4v3 s33n th15 c0m1ng."

"Put The Scalpel Down."

"St1ll 4 f00l, d34r br0th3r. Th15 15 n0t 4 sc4lp3l. 1t's 4 0rb1t0cl45t. F00l."

"It's only a matter of time, Doc. You have to do what you have to do. I won't stop you."

"1 kn0w y0u w0n't. Y0u kn0w wh4t w1ll h4pp3n 1f y0u do."

"Take them. Take them all, Doc. Make them fade."

"1t 15 f0r f4m1ly th4t y0u mu5t pr0c33d3. T0 b3 wh4t th4y 4r3, t0 b3c0m3 wh4t th3y h4v3 b3c0m3, 1t 15 t0 5t41n th31r m3m0ry."

"Do it."

"54y y0ur g00dby35, Blu3."

"F0rg1v3 m3, br0th3r."

"Don't Do This, Z. You Will Regret It."

"The only regret I have is letting you near her. Goodbye."

***********

F1x - [3(4)r] - T

3/15/2020

W3 c4n't 533m t0 l3t g0,
but y0ur thr34d'5 g0n3,
F1n1t3-- l1k3 m3lt3d 5n0w 0r f0rg0tt3n l0r3,
1t f33l5 l1k3 w3'r3 pl4y1ng ch4r4d35,
Pl3y1ng mut3, un4bl3 t0 5p34k.
4nd th15 15 0n3 h34rt 1 c4n't f1x,
c4u53 1f th3r3'5 n0 3nd,
th3r3 c4n b3 n0 b3g1nn1ng,
th3r3 c4n b3 n0 b3g1nn1ng.

1f th3r3'5 n0 3nd.

1t f33l5 l1k3 f0r54k1ng th3 m3m0r135 4w4k3n 4nd 5t1ll w3 c4n't s33,
but 1'm gr4t3ful y0u c4n m0v3 0n w1th0ut m3
Y0u c4n s33 wh3r3 1t l34d5
W1th m3 y0u c4n't-- 1'm th3 m0nst3r th4t f33d5 0n y0u
N0 m4tt3r wh4t y0u d0
1'll g3t y0u 3v3ry t1m3
4nd th4t'5 4 pr3d1c4m3nt 1f 1
kn0w 4nyth1ng
c4u53 1f th3r3'5 n0 3nd...

...th3r3 c4n b3 n0 b3g1nn1ng
(th3r3 c4n b3 n0 b3g1nn1ng)
1f th3r3'5 n0 3nd
1t f33l5 l1k3 f0r54k1ng th3 m3m0r135 4w4k3n 4nd 5t1ll w3 c4n't s33,
but 1'm gr4t3ful y0u c4n m0v3 0n w1th0ut m3

1f 1t'5 ju5t 0n3 l1f3 w3'r3 g1v3n,
ju5t 0n3 t1m3 y0u'r3 l1v1ng,
F33l y0ur d4ught3r'5 t0uch,
c4rry th4t p0w3r, 1t w1ll t4k3 y0u h1gh3r.

G00dby3, my l0v3, 1 w0n't l34d y0u 45tr4y,
f1nd y0ur h4pp1n355, c0m3 wh4t m4y.

50 c3rry y0ur h34d up h1gh 4nd pr0ud,
1n51d3 y0u 4r3 5tr0ng, 3v3n w1th 4ll th4t p41n y0u'r3 b34r1ng,
1'll p41nt my 0ff1c3 0n3 l45t 5h4d3 0f gr3y,
1'll k1ll th3 l1ght5, 4nd 1'll
F4d3 4w4y...

P0pul4r M0n5t3r

11/26/2019

The woods were dark despite the moonlit sky; the forest was quiet and the creatures of the night patrolled the grounds, catching each other's scents and listening carefully for anything out of the ordinary.

On the north side, where the woods were less crowded, a black wolf took careful steps as he approached the south side. He had just fed on a lesser creature, still dripping fresh blood from his mouth he followed the scent he had caught about a week ago. He needed to find the creature; he needed to see it.

On the south side, were the woods were murkier and the ground was damp, a red wolf walked, smelling the air. He caught a scent--somewhat familiar, and he decided to follow it. Curiosity always got the best of him.

In the middle of the forest, there lied a cabin, where an old man lived, keeping to himself but carefully watching over the forest. He was the keeper of the trees and creatures. He sat on his recliner, sitting by a small fire, the smoke carefully making its way up through the chimney and out onto the nighttime air.

He had fallen asleep but a sudden feeling of uneasiness in his dreams shook him awake; he slowly recollected himself as his eyes focused on the outside world. He came to terms with being awake now, sleeping would have to wait for later. There was a disturbance in the air, and he needed to know what it was.

The old man stood up carefully, grabbed his walking stick, a grey marbled one with strange markings on its spine and a wolf's head up on the top end. He approached the window by his small kitchen, and taking a peek onto the outside world, he could hear silence. An all too familiar yet unnerving stillness of the air; he proceeded to walk to his front door, where he approached carefully and as he opened it, a gush of wind blew his long grey hair and beard in the south direction. He sensed something else coming his way, although he could not tell what it was.

The two wolves eventually reached each other; both arriving at the old man's cabin, as he stood outside on his porch, waiting for them with a cold welcome of uneasiness and unworthiness.

The old man observed; he had no other reason to be there.

The red wolf approached the black one, salivating, with his dark empty eyes seeking a way to satisfy his hunger.

The black wolf carefully started to walk in his direction; watching every move he made, his tongue still salivating his previous prey, small shreds of skin still between his teeth along with wet fur and blood.

"Roman," the red wolf whispered.

"Truth," the black wolf responded.

The old man watched both wolves tear each other apart; the red wolf ripping into the black wolf's heels, the black wolf biting the red wolf's right ear. Blood splattering on the ground below them, mixing in with the dirt and rocks.

The old man observed. He had no other reason to be there.

Tendons splitting in two, muscles being ripped apart, blood gushing out as it covered each of the wolf's faces. Bones snapping.

The old man observed. He had no other reason to be there.
No reason at all.

Skin getting stuck in between their teeth, fur covered in blood as it painted a canvas below their feet. Ligaments cut, hair pulled--

Blood-shot eyes, slit throats, squished organs and the like, but the old man just watched.

"Is it fucking over already?" a voice came from inside the cabin.

"N0t y3t, 5w33th34rt. St4y 1n51d3," the old man replied.

"How much longer, Doc?" the voice asked worryingly.

"Th3r3 15 4n 0ld t4l3 th4t 54y5 th3 w0lf y0u f33d 15 th3 0n3 th4t w1n5. T3ll m3, 5w33th3rt, wh1ch 0n3 4r3 y0u g01ng t0 f33d?"

"The one I won't fucking starve first."

Artwork by https://www.artstation.com/artwork/QKXOL
https://www.artstation.com/artwork/lxkvk

Lockdown

9/22/2018

Progress Report

Name of Patient: J, Theodore.
Patient Number: 1000000242402

History:

Status of Patient:
Theo has escaped custody.

Target Symptoms:
Based on prior diagnoses, Theo poses no threat to others other than himself. He has managed to elude/distract one of the guards and escaped confinement. It is imperative that he is found before the symptoms start to get hold.

Basic Behavior: Theo is subject to confusion of his surroundings; he has not yet gained basic memory from his attack and has still found it uncommon as to where he resides, as well as those familiar to him in the past. It is very important that once he is found, he returns to therapy as soon as possible.

Additional Signs or Possible Side Effects:
Last reports from patient have indicated that he is prone to hallucinations.
According to records his mind manifests another persona to which he is convinced is his twin, only known as Theseus.
No other side effects are reported in evidence from prior care.

Mental Status:
Last interaction with Theo, his behavior seems erratic as well as very energetic. Thought content is aggressive. Quick movements help reveal energy which is not driven towards anything but running away, as seen in prior sessions in which he attempted to escape and failed. Hallucinations further prove psychosis as well illogical and bizarre behavior.

Special Circumstances:
He has been last instructed to stay put in his room, as well as to adhere to his physical activities which include exercising and moving in place. No outside contact with other patients needed.
He is to stay in isolation, but given last session in which led to his escape, capture of the patient is an all time high and securing the subject is at top priority under any and all circumstances.

TR1GG3R K3Y

4/15/2018

GR3Y M3T4LL1C,
1 4M N0T H1DD3N 1N TH3 4LL3Y.

1 4M BURR13D 50M3WH3R3 D33P,
T0G3TH3R W1TH MY TR1GG3R K3Y.

1T W4S 0NC3 4 R3C1P3--
B3N34TH,
MY W34KN355 L00K5 4T M3.

H3R3,
Y0U C4N K33P MY S3CR3T,
B3C4US3 Y0U K33P MY H34RT,
UNT1L MY 3ND,
FR0M TH3 5T4RT.

S0 1F Y0U 3V3R N33D T0 C4G3 M3,
US3 TH15 TR1GG3R,
54V3 M3.

1 4M 4 F1X3R,
B3C4U53 1'V3 BR0K3N,
S0 H3R3,
T4K3 MY T0K3N.

GR3Y M3T4LL1C,
1 4M P5YCH0T1C.

SH0W M3 MY TR1GG3R,
4ND F0R3V3R 5TUCK 1'LL B3.

F0R3V3R 5TUCK,
1N HYPN0S1S.

JU5T 45K M3:
"WH4T 4M 1 W1LL1NG T0 P4Y 1F T0 B3 BUR13D F0R3V3R 15 WH3R3 1'LL B3?"

tW0 L3g3Nd4rY cHuMS

1/11/2018

Let me tell you a story, a story about two legendary chums. One was red the color of blood, the other, black as charcoal. One was a teacher and the other, his apprentice.

They shared the world, and the world was everything to them; except for one simple thing. They could never share. Not in the beginning, not in the present, and this, too, was going to be the case in the foreseeing future.

But these two siblings would do anything for each other; in the end, that is what brothers do.

But with every great ruling, there must also come a great falling, for every King falls down now and then. And fall, the Red King did.

But the Black King followed.

However, time would heal wounds, and even the deepest scars would suture, but only if they saw each other at the same level, something we already established would never occur.

So there came the Red King, leading point, and the Black King took the fall; some say history is doomed to repeat itself, but others, believe only if it is not acknowledged--if it's ignored.

You see, what happened here was that the Black King still fought to prove himself to the Red King--no matter how hard the lesson, no matter how long it would take, he would prove himself up to his Teacher.

The problem here was, the Black King would always most certainly fall, and fall, and fall once more.

He held something very dear in himself--something he did not share with many, only with those close, and those who knew him well. This, the Red King was certain--and the Red King being as he is, would never let the Black King win until he proved him that he could never be like him--until he gave that part of himself away.

But the Black King would never do that.

He would never sacrifice that part of himself--even for victory.

So the Black King fell again, and again...

But what he missed, as the Red King had also missed previously, is that in War, there are casualties...

...and sometimes, you hurt those closest.

But Little Sister loved both too much to let them destroy each other; so she would take the pain, she would take it for both of them. Even if it meant to be locked up in the Chambers with them forever until they saw each other eye to eye.

"Those who do not remember the past are condemned to repeat it."

Tr34Sur3S iN j4Rs 0F cL4Y

11/19/2017

* Knock on door *

D: "Come in, please."

* Her silhouette manifests her figure as she enters the room *

C: "Hey, look, before you say anything.. I know you know..."
D: "Ah yes. I am not upset, if that is what you think."
C: "Well, I mean, you do have a great collection... I didn't think you'd miss a bottle... It was one fucking bottle, Doc!"
D: "Language, Cassandra."
C: "I'm not sorry--I really am not!"
D: "I know, you do not have to be. However, you do know the missing Cabernet Sauvignon is not why you are here."
C: "Ughhhh, yeah I know.. Okay, but I am not sorry for that either."
D: "We set rules--mind you--new rules for a reason."
C: "Ughh yeah but I am sick of waiting and I don't likeeee how I don't get nights anymore either!"
D: "Please, take a seat."

*Her feet shuffle after taking a seat on the leather chair; she's jittery *

C: "Look, Doc.. I need more time. I can't just wait around... I need to keep moving!"
D: "I understand, I really do. However, you must be patient. You will get your turn. You will do what is needed when you get a chance at the driver's seat.
C: "Ughhhh."
D: "Patience, Cassandra."
C: "Yeah yeah, I fucking know. Jesus..."

* She starts picking at her nails, biting her lips, nervously *

D: "You are not the only one having difficulties handling things now that the Host has regained control."
C: "Yes, but it's easy on you boys... It really is, isn't it? He doesn't look at you the way he does me."
D: "Listen, this temple is like a jar made of clay. It is fragile, yes, but what's inside, that's what makes it impregnable. The foundation is built from the treasures inside. Those treasures are each and every one of us."
C: "Ughhh, Doc you and your theories.. fine I'll listen. So what? Without us, the temple breaks? That can't fucking happen--at least, not again, unless someone pushes the jar off the fucking table, ya know?"
D: "That is why there is order to keep away from chaos. To avoid the jar from tipping over and shattering. Do you understand, Cassandra?"
C: "Ya well, what if the Host is the one that tips the fucker over? Then what, Doc? Then we're not all just *treasures* are we? We're fucking dust on the floor."
D: "That is why we all have a role to play."
C: "Easy for you to say when you're a fucking Guardian! Boo-hoo, and what am I? You already have your *role* laid before you...even in your name. Ughh."
D: "I wasn't always a Fixer, or a Guardian. You have to remember, Cassandra. We all evolve. And you will too."
C: "Well, I fucking feel just fine how I am... I just want more time."
D: "Split the grains of sand; share time, Cassandra. And you will see what it feels like to count the grains as the others. We are not alone, not anymore, remember that, please."
C: "Sure, Doc."
D: "Now do me favor, will you? I seem to have forgotten a small task."
C: "You let me take a peek at your collection again, then we'll get to doing favors!"

* A small bargain, a small price: Time *

CaLL mE

7/24/2017

i HeArd tHE StoRieS,
anD i REad thE SonGS,
i KNew evEntuAlly you'D comE alONg.

tO meEt yOu,
A THougHt enTErtaIned,
As hE caLLEd mE fORwaRD,
i bRokE tHE chAIns.

tO gAze uPOn yOu,
embRACed oUR FreeDOm,
hE tWISteD mY aRM,
AnD i ExITed thE MauSoLEum.

a MOmenT sTARted,
aND i BeGAn tO sEE,
hOW bEAutiFUL the CrOWN uPOn yOUr HeAd FiT,
aND sO i MeT thE QuEEn,
aND i FelT cOurTed,
a fEElinG oF WarMTh tURned My kEy,
LiKE leTTeRs tEaRinG A BoOk,
mOrbiD.

aNd ThEn a SiMpLE rEMinDeR bUrneD My ArM,
aS yOu SoFtly TouCHed Me WitH yOur Charm.

wHo Am I tO inTErVenE,
suCH afFAirs oF LoVe,
a ModEst, bUt soPHisTICatEd CuiSine,
a TaLe aND StoRY LiKE nO OthEr,
UnhEARd Of,
UNSEen.

dARe i APPear To HeR AgAIN?
hOW cAn i ExPLAin?
WiLL sHE thINK i Am mEREly INSane?
wiLL i BE aBLE to SUstAIN,
hER buRNIng TouCH?
aS i StiLL FeEl iN mY LeFT aRM,
suCH phANTom PaiN?

cAn I inQuiRe?
CaN i ReMAin?

cAn I tOUch HeR wITh mY mIND,
fOR wE aRE forEVER inTerTwineD.