July 2024
The floor, the ceiling, the ceiling, the floor--
I don't know what's up or down no more!
Light headed, these migraine lights,
takin' pills to fuckin' sleep at night...
I'm alone and alone is nice,
shut out the world is my favorite vice.
My head is heavy, a blurred-eyed view,
I'm my own worst nightmare come true.
A smile on my face but it's getting dark in here,
I'm sideways and I've had enough.
Sideways yeah, I'm so messed up,
hands and knees as I fall away--
I'm sideways and I'm not okay.
I'm sideways, don't hide it well,
it's my way of saying I'm in hell.
Hands and knees as I crawl away,
I'm sideways, I'm not okay,
my fingers bleeding from beating the wall,
going numb, feel nothing at all.
Tryin' to own it, not a moment to spare,
getting dizzy but too busy to care,
I want peace but it's all white noise,
ears are ringing from that ghostly voice--
Mind is gone, I'm all checked out,
I'm floating with no gravity to come back down.
Horizon's gone, it's all a bad dream to me,
I'm sideways and I've had enough.
Sideways yeah, I'm so messed up.
Hands and knees as I fall away,
I'm sideways and I'm not okay,
I'm sideways, don't hide it well,
It's my way of saying I'm in hell.
Hands and knees as I crawl away,
I'm sideways, I'm not okay.
The floor, the ceiling, the ceiling, the floor--
I don't know what's up or down no more!
Light headed, these migraine lights,
takin' pills to fuckin' sleep at night...
I'm alone and alone is nice,
shut out the world is my favorite vice.
My head is heavy, a blurred-eyed view,
I'm my own worst nightmare come true.
A smile on my face but it's getting dark in here,
I'm sideways and I've had enough.
Sideways yeah, I'm so messed up,
hands and knees as I fall away--
I'm sideways and I'm not okay.
I'm sideways, don't hide it well,
it's my way of saying I'm in hell.
Hands and knees as I crawl away,
I'm sideways, I'm not okay,
my fingers bleeding from beating the wall,
going numb, feel nothing at all.
Tryin' to own it, not a moment to spare,
getting dizzy but too busy to care,
I want peace but it's all white noise,
ears are ringing from that ghostly voice--
Mind is gone, I'm all checked out,
I'm floating with no gravity to come back down.
Horizon's gone, it's all a bad dream to me,
I'm sideways and I've had enough.
Sideways yeah, I'm so messed up.
Hands and knees as I fall away,
I'm sideways and I'm not okay,
I'm sideways, don't hide it well,
It's my way of saying I'm in hell.
Hands and knees as I crawl away,
I'm sideways, I'm not okay.
December 2024
I wanna go out,
put on makeup and force someone to love me,
or am I still under the reservoir?
Think it just hit me how good it really was,
you know I tried, I really did,
but They were never good at listening,
They never thought that I'd really go through with it,
it's funny in Their eyes how it happened so quick,
can't say what They want but They don't really need to,
while They were MIA, I've been KIA...
Boys, I already grieved Me.
Can't say what They want--no one will believe Them,
while They've been hiding in their rooms every time I was drunk,
I already grieved Me, grieved Me.
I can no longer mess around,
or tear down walls just cuz I can,
no one will figure it out,
the day I drowned.
I wanna go out,
put on makeup and force someone to love me,
or am I still under the reservoir?
Think it just hit me how good it really was,
you know I tried, I really did,
but They were never good at listening,
They never thought that I'd really go through with it,
it's funny in Their eyes how it happened so quick,
can't say what They want but They don't really need to,
while They were MIA, I've been KIA...
Boys, I already grieved Me.
Can't say what They want--no one will believe Them,
while They've been hiding in their rooms every time I was drunk,
I already grieved Me, grieved Me.
I can no longer mess around,
or tear down walls just cuz I can,
no one will figure it out,
the day I drowned.
Art by:
"goth girl drowning" - meta AI
"borderline personality and dissociative identity" - https://www.deviantart.com/nexuskhimera
"goth girl drowning" - meta AI
"borderline personality and dissociative identity" - https://www.deviantart.com/nexuskhimera
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